About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone


Many of us have come to know Patrick Malone (Lugnut) as a friendly, helpful, knowledgeable and kind individual. He is a frequent and enthusiastic contributor to our analog discussion forum. He has initiated only 17 threads, but responded to 559 threads. I would guess that many, if not most, of us can recall a time when Pat replied with helpful advice to a question we posted or helped us track down a rare recording. I have come to love Pat as a friend, and to respect him as a man, and I suspect many of you share those feelings.

Today I write to share difficult news with you. Pat has been diagnosed with an aggressive stomach cancer. It has yet to be determined whether surgery will even be worth it. If surgery is performed, most or all of the stomach will be removed, and Pat would face a difficult and long post-op period in the hospital. The medical course is still uncertain, but will be determined soon. Whatever is decided, it will not be easy or pleasant.

Something may be planned in the future to assist the family. For now, Pat could use some of the friendship he so often and willingly showed us. You can email Pat at: lugnut50@msn.com. You can also mail cards, letters ... or whatever. You may email me for Pat's mailing address. My email is: pfrumkin1@comcast.net.

I hope to spend a few days with Pat in Idaho or Nebraska (from which he hails) soon. Between this news, my legal work, getting ready for family arriving for the holidays, Audio Intelligent, and trying to make plans to visit Pat, my head is spinning. If you email me and I don't respond, please understand that I am not ignoring you, but rather simply do not have time to reply.

Pat may or may not have time to respond to posts here, to emails, or to cards mailed to him. But he has asked me to convey to each and every one of you that he has cherished your friendship, your comradery, and sharing our common hobby on this great website.

As we prepare for our holiday season celebrations, and look forward to -- as we should -- enjoying this time of year, I ask that you keep Pat and his family in mind ... and softly offer up, in quiet moments in the still of night and early morning, prayers for Pat and his family. God bless.

Warmest regards to all,
Paul Frumkin
paul_frumkin
Thanks for the well wishing from everyone. And Paul, I knew you'd fit right in with the new firm. I do hope that Lis looks for a house with a dedicated listening room for you.

My world has been a little rocked by this particular visit with my doctor. The short story is that I have another CT scan tomorrow mid-day which will confirm what I already know. I know that the cancer is active in my stomach and that since the lining of my abdominal cavity also suffers from involvement I have a fluid build-up beginning in there as well. I can tell that my liver is sensitive and my lung capacity is diminished too. Today's scheduled chemo was canceled. About the only good news is that when I complained about forgetting words, which is happening with increased frequency, the doc said that is a normal chemo side effect from prolonged use. I guess I'm not losing my mind after all!

I must have said something to the doctor which prompted him to have the counselor come in to visit with us. Actually, I know what I said to him. I had requested a particular drug but probably wanted it for the wrong reasons or mis-stated what I intended. Basically, and this is from the heart, I don't want to want to lose control of my life AND I don't want to quit living my life until it's over. I expressed a desire to continue to enjoy life. Honestly, I doubt that will be the case. The cancer is closer to gaining control of this situation than I am of gaining control of the cancer. I hate that. It pisses me off a great deal. It's one thing to die but quite another to be faced with losing interest in everything and everybody, one thing and one person at a time. Unless I'm very lucky that's exactly what is going to happen. I want to be in control. I want to dictate my life until it's over. It ain't gonna happen guys and I better get on the right track about this. Intellectually I realize that there is a time, and it's coming sooner rather than later, that I'll just need to succumb to the inevitable and let this process do its thing. If it means that I lose interest in music and begin to cling to what is closest to me (Barb), then I just need to let it happen. Accept.

One of our audio club members is a radiation doc at this clinic. My oncologist said that if I'm fortunate what is bothering my stomach might be a candidate for his services. Otherwise, I'm not sure what my other options are at this point. The possibility exists that there are no more options. I dunno. Apparently, I'm just along for the ride.

I had planned on having a club meeting at my place on July 11th. Barb wants me to carry on with that plan and since it seems to be important to her I probably will. I had already gotten a committment from a jazz quartet to play for an hour or so. These guys are good, very good. I've got so many drugs around here that I can somehow make myself feel pretty good. The preparations might be difficult but I know that between her and our daughter that we can pull it off. Normally the club doesn't meet during the summer months because of vacations and other activities that interfere. A smaller than normal turnout would be fine but the prospect of live music might bring out a large group. Either way will be just fine.

I know I needn't apologize for writing what I have. Still, I do wish that I could make you guys feel real good about all of this. I'm not feeling good about it at all and I know it will hit some of you hard. The thing is I promised to be honest. Anything less would not be Lugnut. I need to work through this. Feel free to offer advice or criticism, whatever. Keep me and my little family in your prayers as Paul has so thoughtfully done. God bless you all.

Pat
Pat,
Just to hear your 'voice' here is always good.

We're always thinking of you, in case that isn't obvious.

Howard
Pat,

I feel a bit awkward commenting here, as I only know of you what I've read on this site.

I have to say that I believe it took great depth of character for you to speak out here as you have, despite your modesty about it. I'm sure I could not have done the same.

I only wish I had some sage advice or meaningful words that would carry you through your difficult time. Those could only come from personal experience; you and I being better acquainted. Words of that caliber are, in this case, beyond my grasp.

What I can say is that I routinely check this thread to read of your latest exploits, or just your commentary on ordinary events. It is a constant reminder that I should live my life to the fullest, to more often let my wife know that I love her, to call relatives and stay in touch, to just do my best to be me despite anything that might make me less so. Thank you for that.

I also wanted you to know that despite never having met you, I think of you, your situation and your family often. You are in my wife's and my prayers daily. We wish you and your family the very best.

Consider this an introduction...