Funniest sales pitch

What is the funniest sales pitch you've read? My current favorite is one I just read today. It was,"I'm selling these speakers because they are too good for me."
Y'don't need no stinkin' blue LED's! Just tits and ass. You could sell pickled farts with T&A! Oh, and if I ever request my wife bend over that way, you can bet it ain't gonna be about reduction of standing waves. If you can get your wife to agree to having several asses around your listening room my hat's off to you my friend, although if I had several asses like that surrounding me in my listening room I think the music would be the last thing on my mind.

It was with great delight that I saw the advertisement featuring the thonged mono blocks.

I wasn't familiar with the manufacturer, however. Is Crack a British product?
This make no sense...

here we have a pretty rare telefunken amp,tuner,preamp,and cassette deck all in very good working order. it really cranks out the output. sounds better then my 2252b marantz more punch more midrange and bass. very nice system sell the Marantz!!!!!
Here comes a real one from the fresh add:

about 1 year old, excellent condition, havent used in over >8 months since selling everything else and getting a new hobby (BMW M3!) selling house and moving to apartment, so out of the hobby for good (though you never know?)