Help with system overhaul What would you do....

Frustrated with hodge podge set up.
I presently have b&w htm2 center 602's l/r, marantz sr5004, paradigm seismic 110 sub, oppo bdp83.
My plan was to get b&w 805's l/r and rid of the 602s then upgrade avr to rotel 1560 and live happily ever after. well all that came to a screaching halt when I went to a totem dealer and heard the forest and the sig ones for the first time. I was never happy with the sound that my eclectic components made, so I read and read lots of reviews and threads here on audiogon about favorite speakers ect...
I really liked the Totems so now I just have to pick the right speaker for me, simple? its not.
The other speaker that stood out in the reviews as a worthy contender for the Totem, was the Merlins tsm mmi according to some of you but unfortunatly I never heard the Merlins..see what I mean.
The good thing is that my earlier frustrations gave way to total confusion, is that good? now I'm really frustrated.
At the dealer, The Totem forest were hooked up to an Arcam avr400(90w per)sounded great, the bass out of the speaker was tight and precise, I was very impressed with the Arcam's power the only attribute I have to judge sounds is that I'm a musician that loves and recognize great sound.
My plan is to get an Arcam avr500/600.
I love the totem signature one but dont mind spending more so that I dont have to upgrade again and again, I was interested in getting the Totem "The one" which had great reviews by some of you. I also want to upgrade my sub to possibly an REL R528 the dealer said that if hooked up to main speakers it will enhance the speaker's mid range (the sub was my idea so not sure).
My family room is almost square 20x19 12-14 feet ceiling (slanted)I have an open floor plan.
As you can see I need help.
I will get rid of all my present equipment except for the oppo.
What would you do.
Thank you
IMO,always start with speakers and then build system around that..not what is suggested..Secondly, having a bro in law that was an ex Arcam dealer who dropped the line because of too many returns,there are alot of building issues with their integ amps so I would be leary of Arcam power.
Typically it makes sense to go with speakers first - agreed.

However, depending on your situation (ie., when your amp is already outclassed), might make sense to deviate from the rule, especially if you are not planning on starting over from scratch.

In my view no HT receiver is satisfactory for serious 2 channel listening, however your $10k budget will likely not cover a quality pre/pro/power combo (new at least), never mind new speakers on top of that. Anything from Cary/Bryston/Anthem runs $10-12K, and forget the lower priced separates. It's cheaper to go for a decent HT receiver (I suggest NAD), and add a good 2 channel integrated with HT bypass for half the price.

Don't know the Merlins but have heard good things. Totems are OK (the Mani 2's are very nice), not a big B&W fan these days. Speakers are a personal preference - you have to listen to them and decide for yourself.
I think it would help a great deal to address the question of priorities first: which is more important to you, music listening or home theater? Given the site you are posting on, most here expect you to prefer music first, and therefore a lot of the advise above has been about dumping the receiver and go to separates-and meaning two-channel separates, not pre-theater processor and 7 channel amp.
I got it Arni, I am dumping my receiver, that was a decision I made before posting here, I am considering separates but right now I am still leaning towards the Arcam avr600.
First and foremost I measure quality of sound with my favorite music, regardless of what anybody else expects, if I like what I hear in music it will be good enough for HT.
My nephew just got a Rotel amp 1575(250w)and 1570 sound processor, for approx 5k (not expensive) sounds pretty good with his b&w 802D, I will listen to it next week at the dealers.
Thanks guys.