I have a serious phobia problem with cleaning records

HiI have RCM phobia .And I need help to over come my phobia wiith cleaning records. I'm ok with a Mofi brush or a cloth and just go in a circle and clean the dust off... But I am terrified of liquids and machines. Because I never know the right one to choose. The automation one's that all cost more I think give me some kind of small security but even reading stories on here now give me second thoughts. The machines aren't perfect either. As for doing manually forget it ...
look at photo #2 in this LP listing of mine


I make my own mix, scrub away while listening to music, batches of 10, drying rack, it's therapeutic.
  • Do no harm-- a bad "cleaning" is worse than no cleaning- you are contaminating the record, and could even damage it. (Perhaps part of the source of your worry).

remember that damn discwasher with the red squeeze bottle and using the directional pad to push the liquid in???  arrrgggghhhhh!!!!  
I’m totally for buying a machine... I was really thinking about the Nitty 1.5fi or 2.5fi not really the mini pro ... If it came to that I would get that... I can pay the thing off in 2 years ... It’s not about money it’s about doing it right especially those chemicals there’s so many out there I’m not sure what the right one or just water I don’t know I’m not very educated in this or never was being playing records for 50 years... And I just want it simple and it that it works correctly then not....  Or pay to have someone do it... But knows what they're doing ...
Believe it or not, I totally agree with MC. If the OP is serious, he should seek help. If he is joking, OK it’s not that bad a joke. Personally, I am very relaxed about whether I clean an LP or not. I own a VPIHW 17, but I use it infrequently.On the other hand, when I do occasionally develop ambition for cleaning records, I am shocked, shocked I tell you, to see the amount of grunge and crap that can be washed off an apparently good looking LP. The OP seems to expect uniform results from cleaning. But one should not expect uniform results, because every single record is in a different state of use or abuse. So in some cases cleaning will make a big difference. In other cases, you won’t hear much difference at all.If an LP sounds bad due to previous years of abuse under some other guy’s ownership, then you can clean it until death, and it won’t help.
And one more thing that really drives me mad.... When you buy a sealed LP and all this stuff appears on the LP can you get that off the LP... I bought sealed LP's that we're 50 years old and when I undid the old seal Jesus the thing had these spots of whatever it was all over the LP... And no fungal record cleaner could get them out or off and then right liquid equals static for me anyway.  I don't buy them anymore.  But even if they're 5 years old sometimes vinyl has those spots or gunk or whatever it is on the sealed LP's ... Even on used LP's I find that ...  Vinyl drives me nuts ..  Half the time not but when it happens it just sounds like a mess.