Please Help Me!!

Hello everyone!  I’m in need of some guidance on purchasing my next integrated amp...

I’ve got an amp in mind and will probably just buy that unit but am looking for positive reinforcement on the amp that I’m leaning towards.  If given any other recommendations, I’ll try to explain why my choice is better!

So here’s what I’m looking for...  The integrated amp needs to have been built between April 27, 1996 and May 23, 2002.  I was told by “someone” that this was the golden age of mid-fi; he owns a pretty high end bose sound system so he is indeed qualified.  I’m also looking for a unit with between 82-167 watts, no more no less (my speakers are rated at 170 watts so I don’t want to blow them). Oh, and the volume control knob has to be on the left side of the unit, unless the unit is over 27 pounds, then the volume knob needs to be on the right (I’ve got a nosey parrot that likes loud jazz, don’t ask).   Sound quality is not of importance at all; does it have lights on the front?  Good enough for me!  And I absolutely do not want a remote control.  I am not buying any more batteries so I do not want to pay thousands of dollars more for a unit just because it has a remote.  I don’t ever use remote controls and I’m running out of kitchen drawers to put my remotes in so please, no recommendations that have remote controls.

I’ve been looking all over for 2+ years for this end game integrated but can’t seem to find anything that suits my needs!  PLEASE HELP!

*any recommendations will not be considered as I’ve already decided what to buy and just wanted to let you know how and why my choice of integrated is better than your recommendations!
I think the giveaway was "he owns a pretty high end bose sound system so he is indeed qualified."
Sorry -

But unless you plan to spend at least 5 to 10 thou per component - most here on A-gon will not be able to help you [let’s see, an integrated = (1X Pre + 1X Power +1X EQ +1X Tuner) X 5 thou each = you should be spending at least $20thou]

Also - be sure that it incorporates a Point-Wired assembly method and uses Vintage tubes obtained from the Gunnery Control computers from a WWII-era Naval Destroyer (the concussion from the 5-inch shells immoliates the electron-gathering surfaces within them in a way that fully opens the soundstage...[Provided that the ship in question fired between 227 and 342 volleys whilst the tubes were installed and optimally that they were then stored in a Tropical climate]) The REAL trouble is that the tubes and circuit designs in question are still "classified" - but I know a guy who knows a guy...

Oh, and be sure to spend at least TWICE that on the requisite power conditioner and silver-plate speaker wires and interconnects that are purified from a single crystal by drawing them across the pubic mound of a 75 year-old virgin from Micronesia and then cryogenically quenching them in a pool of unicorn urine cooled by circulating it through liquid Helium to a temperature of EXACTLY -244 degrees Kelvin...

In short - just have your parrot go to Radio Shack... (oh, wait - they don’t exist anymore)
That cheered me up. Glen, well done. I was almost going to tell the OP to go to audioka....