What are the most outrageous speakers reviews you have ever seen?

A serious disclaimer before starting this lighter thread...

I feel sorry for the professional reviewers, who need to walk *the* fine line when publishing his $0.02 (you know what I meant).  However, any individual could comment freely with flying colors.  

Please let me start KEF Blade, which is not Prime eligible:

(from that site's reviewers)
1) 5 Stars: It's a good thing that the speaker cabinet is ported, because at 34K I'm never going to be able to afford a girlfriend!
2) 5 Stars: So instead of paying for college i chose these. Greatest decision of my life. Who needs a future when you have a pair of speakers.
3) 5 stars: These speakers are great. I just picked them up yesterday and they sound amazing! It was so worth getting evicted out of my house just for these! Who needs a car or house, I would just get these! 10/10 would buy again.

What are the most outrageous ones you have seen in public?

...some reviewers seem to have access to 'biological sonic enhancements' that I don't, and that's really irritating to me...
I don't know as if it is so much outrageous as annoying . . . but reviewers tread a thin line between telling the truth and diplomacy (political correctness) in order to keep their sources of livelihood alive, which can be often times thwarted by lack of support or followers that justify their jobs in the first place. Therefore, the mannerisms, the rear end kissing, and the contortions some will enact throughout these audio shows are outrageous and sometimes painful to watch.

What the sellers and reviewers must endure in order to get into the spotlight must be excruciatingly painful and for some -- exhausting . . . I know just watching and reading what we are exposed to is sometimes a bad joke with some reviewers bordering on poor credibility not to mention -- repulsive, but once in a while -- honesty and truth do prevail.

However, since many of us cannot just hop on a plane or in our car and afford the luxury of seeing all these “wonders” in person, instead, we must wade through some of the hype and deal with the personalities, etc. in order to keep on the “cutting edge”, whether we can afford the latest million dollar system . . . or not. Sometimes we endure the clowns in order to see the main attractions, and after all, some do try.