Subject: Exciting News! Announcing Flatulence * by GreaterRanges
A recent financial epiphany and subsequent reversal of my philosophical,ethical and moral standards initiated by our generous investors has spurred the overnite development of an all new isolation product from GreaterRanges:
The Flatulence* Iso-Field Effect Reverberation Nullifier(patent applied for).
Flatulence* steals from virtually every known isolation measure of mass market appeal and dubious merit in order to make my company a decent profit for a change.Pricing will reflect the sheer size and prestige of the product with our CES introductory special @ US$59,899.oo each plus shipping for the hand rubbed and spit polished rosewood veneer standard model( rare & endangered tropical hardwood finishes available upon request).
Each and every Flatulence* is individually touched and inspected by renounced isolation guru and audio craftsman,Ken Lyon.
For an unspecified limited time, an exclusive special edition of 1000 "Ken Lyon Signature Flatulence* Iso-Field Effect Reverberation Nulliers" will be made available for an additional $5000 per unit(cash only-unmarked currency).
Each exclusive KL Signature edition is supplied with a hand autographed gold coloured plaque, certificate of authenticity and will have its bladder personally filled by the master himself.
Flatulence* provides nearly absolute damping of distracting musical energy and abstract emotional content thru the use of a massive 750 pound composite slab consisting of a specially blended matrix of ground lead pellets,sorbothane,powdered silica, asbestos,alnico and portland cement to form a magnetically-charged repulsive levitation platform floating above a secret proprietary liquid damped latex bladder base.
The Flatulence* isolation platform weighs no less than 920 pounds and is housed in a 10.2 cubic foot constrained layer deep gloss lacquered cabinet for a crushingly dead and listless environment for your audio components.
The results must be heard to be believed!
With Flatulence* the sound coming from your system will be as toxic as the device itself.
Glossy Photos, technical details and snazzy charts coming soon.
Sneak preview for CES attendees-A special export model for the world market tentatively named "Incontinence" will also be shown at CES in static display.
Regards,
Ken Lyon
Greater Ranges/Flatulence*
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Flash! Just In-
Audio Press goes Nutz for Flatulence*.
"I just sat there dumbfounded and motionless for hours.
Who needs Home Theatre when you can watch music like this?"
"5 bunnies!"
Rob Doorstop - Listening Fatigue
"...interesting."
Sam Tellall - Quadraphile & 8 Track Review
"...like having a whole new record collection to explore.Everything was just SO different."
"...disorienting."
Michael Freebie- The Absolute Opinion
Experience Flatulence in Suite 2115,Alexis Park