Hah!
Hey, if you get liquored up, get a bit randy and consummate your relationship with your young and pretty ported speakers, I believe it would be called a speaker hookup.....with a very small gauge connector. Ka-boom.
And remember, don't even think of using the speaker's rear port without absolutely clear and mutual consent. I also definitely suggest you don't use your old creepy guy strategy of 'it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission', women hate that.
Later,
Tim