I certainly agree about the gimmicks however I have learned that instruments themselves should not come from beyond the speakers which is what you would expect if you think about it.You are completely wrong and perhaps you must reconsider your way to use electronic equalization instead of room control...Your description demonstrate the inability where you are to recreate a great sonic field in the room..
It is way more important to adjust the room large bandwith/timbre response to the speakers than the opposite which is adjusting the speakers narrow frequency response to the room ....
There a 2 stages of manifestation in acoustic control ( it is for sure recording quality dependant):
--In the beginning with some selected especially good recording the orchestra is IN your room and you listen to it external to the orchestra...You are happy because you enjoy anyway an imaging which can be good....
--After a complete acoustic control, for many well recorded albums you may be among the instruments and with them on the scene in some case...The listener is enveloped by music and no more external to it....Listener envelopment factor (LEV).
If i read your description you have never lived through this experience with any recording then your room and acoustic control are lacking....
This post of yours confirm my opinion that electronic equalization is a secondary tool helpful to fine tune the speakers/ room relation but cannot replace neither passive material treatment nor even less replacing ACTIVE acoustic control....