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Getting married, and I need to redo system.. ?'s..

Hello Everyone:

How is everyone doing today??? I hope everything is going all and well for each and every one of you. Now, I have something I to discuss with all of my fellow "Goners" here at "Audiogon", and I would appreciate any input or opinions that any one of you may/will provide to me.

Okay, now that the formalities are out of the way, I got something I want to share with all of you guys here at "Audiogon". The VERY thing that I want to share with each and every one of you is this. It has recently been discussed with my girlfriend of four plus years and it has been decided that we're going to be tying the knot. No date has been set as of this moment, but right now, we're shooting for the spring of 2004. And while some aspects of my life may (and in fact, will) change after I say "I DO" to what is going to be my "better half", the one thing that's NOT going to change, is that I am NOT going to stop being an audiophile. I say this because the way I see this is this. If I marry her, I am going to be marrying her for her. And that means I will have to put up with all of her. And that goes for all of the points she has about herself. Her good points and bad points. By the same token, she will have to put up with the same thing from me as well. And also, as part of the package, she has to know (in fact, she and I have already had that discussion) that she's marrying an audiophile as well. And if she is to be married to me, she's stuck with an audiophile for life. But now, with the intentions of getting a house together someday, I am hoping on getting a house in which either will have either a room that I can convert into an "audio/video room with a home office", or a basement that has a nice sized room that I can seal off from the utility room and the laundry area, and then what I will do after that is hire an acoustic technician and have some acoustic tile installed, and then hire an electrician to redo the electrical system of the whole house so that I can beef up the electrical capabilities of the room in question so that I can install the kind of system that I really want to install in the room that I have just so mentioned. What I am going to probably be doing after that is kind of redo my system up to the point of where it is going to have to be a consolidated and downsized version of the systems that I have right now. And those systems are as follows.

HOME THEATER (located in my bedroom):

Panasonic CT-27SF37 "SuperFlat" 27" Television/Monitor
Toshiba SD-2700 DVD/CD Player
Sony SLV-R5UC S-VHS Hi-Fi VCR
JVC HR-VP638U VHS Hi-Fi VCR
Harman/Kardon AVR-210 Dolby-Digital/DTS Audio/Video Receiver
Sennheiser HD-580 Headphones
Monster Cable Interconnects
Monster Cable HTS1000 Power Center Surge Suppressor

AUDIO SYSTEM (located in my living room):

KEF Reference 102 Speaker System w/KUBE Equalizer
Adcom GFA-545 MkII Power Amplifier (100 WPC)
Adcom GFP-750 Active/Passive Line Stage Preamplifier w/Remote Control
Magnum Dynalab FT-101 FM Tuner
Terk AM FM Q Amplified Antenna
Thorens TD-165 Belt-Drive Turntable (not yet hooked up)
Grado Prestige Gold Moving Magnet Phono Cartridge
Pioneer Elite DV-37 Progressive Scan DVD/CD Player (being used as a CD Player)
JVC XL-M509TN 6+1 CD Player/Changer
Nakamichi BX-300 Cassette Deck
MITerminator 2 and 3 Interconnects and MITerminator 2 Speaker Cables
Sanus SF-24 Speaker Stands
Monster Cable HTS2500 Power Center

And now, here's what I am proposing my system will look like after I become a married man.

AUDIO/VIDEO SYSTEM (to be located in either in a den, or in a room to be determined in a basement once we get our house):

KEF Q1 Speaker System (mains or fronts in a home theater system, or the main speakers in a stereo system)*
KEF Q9c Speaker System (center channel....... to be used in home theater only)
KEF Q8s Speaker System (surround channels...... to be used in home theater only)
REL Strata III Powered Subwoofer (in a finish that matches the KEF Q1 and Q9c)***
Rotel RMB-1075 5 Channel Power Amplifier (will eventually replace the Adcom GFA-545 MkII)*
Rotel RSP-1066 7.1 Surround Processor/Preamplifier (will eventually replace the Adcom GFP-750)*
Sennheiser HD-580 Headphones (retained from old system)
Creek Headphone Amplifier (Special Edition Version)
Magnum Dynalab FT-101 FM Tuner (retained from old system)
Magnum Dynalab Indoor/Outdoor Antenna (to replace the Terk AM FM Q Amplified Antenna)
Monolithic PS-1 + HC-1 Phono Stage with matching Power Supply
Rega Planar 25 Belt-Drive Turntable (the "table" I plan to own after I upgrade the Thorens TD-165)*
Grado Sonata Reference Moving Magnet Cartridge (the cartridge I will upgrade to after replacing the Prestige Gold)*
Sony DVP-NS999ES Progressive Scan DVD/SACD/CD Player (one player will have to do it all)*
Nakamichi BX-300 Cassette Deck (again.... retained from old system)
Panasonic PT-47WX52 or PT-53WX52 47" or 53" 16:9 HDTV RPTV (but not both)*
Sony TiVo and the JVC HR-VP638U VHS Hi-Fi VCR (to replace the Sony SLV-R5UC)*
Microsoft "X-BOX" Gaming System
MITerminator 2 Interconnects (retained from old system.... new ones will be added later on)**
MITerminator 3 Interconnects (retained from old system.... again, new ones will be added later on)**
MITerminator 2 Speaker Cables (retained from old system.... new ones will be added later on)**
Osiris Speaker Stands (if they can be found, they will be added to the system later on)*
Monster Cable Reference Power Center HTS3600 (will eventually replace the HTS2500)*

* means that these components will replace the ones that was previously in my system. For example:

The KEF Q1 will replace the KEF Reference 102's
The Rotel RMB-1075 will replace the Adcom GFA-545 MkII
The Rotel RSP-1066 will replace the Adcom GP-750
The Rega Planar 25 will replace the Thorens TD-165
The Grado Sonata Reference will replace the Grado Prestige Gold
The Sony DVP-NS999ES will replace both, the Pioneer Elite DV-37 and the JVC XL-M509TN
The Panasonic PT-47WX52 or PT-53WX52 will replace the Panasonic CT-27SF37 SuperFlat
The Sony TiVo and JVC HR-VP638U will replace the Sony SLV-R5UC S-VHS Hi-Fi VCR
The Osiris Speaker Stands (if found) will replace the Sanus SF-24 Speaker Stands
The Monster Cable HTS3600 will replace the Monster Cable HTS2500

** means that more cables will be purchased later on to accomodate the additional channels that the home theater is likely require/demand.

*** means that the REL Strata III Powered Subwoofer is going to be used both in stereo and in home theater

And finally, the rest of the components that I did not name or mention in my current home theater will either be sold, put on consignment, given away to charity, or any other means deemed necessary. But the given is, they will be eliminated.

But anyway, that's the way my new "combined" audio/video system will look after I am married. And when you stop and think about, my system won't be changed all that much. It'll just be changed enough out of necessity, but my new system will pretty much look the same as my current one(s) do now.

What do any of you think???? Do any of you have any questions????

Thanks in advance for your replies.......

--Charles--
128x128chaskelljr2001
statman's avatar
statman
285 posts
 
Good luck you will need it! I hope you have an exception to the rule.I've been divorced for over 2-1/2 years, and was with the same woman for 13 yrs. She also had emotional some problems to deal with. I guarantee you that if you get rid of something you will not get it back later. As was mentioned before she WILL try and "change" you! It's a game that you won't win,especially if and when children come into the equation. My ex and I left on good terms and she even teased me and said "now you can fix up your room the way you wanted to". Guess what, I did! Congratulations and once again good luck.

Vern
tsrart
79 posts
 
Jmcgrogan2 --

To answer your questions, my wife and I have been married for about five years. We don't, however, have any kids -- for various medical reasons, neither one of us can safely reproduce, and we don't have any particular desire to do so anyway. I realize that can make a difference in a relationship, and that IS something that I can't speak to. We do have a dog, however, who is more spoiled than most children . . . . ;-0)

Don't misunderstand me -- I'm perfectly well aware of what wives can do. I was married once before, and I experienced all of the "evils" you've all mentioned (except for kids -- didn't have any then, either). But that wasn't because my ex-wife was innately evil -- it was because I made a poor choice. My ex's priorities were clearly visible prior to the nuptials . . . I just chose to ignore them, and I paid for it.

What I find to be REALLY funny is that this discussion is occurring among audiophiles, who will diligently spend days comparing power cables to find the "perfect fit" for their systems . . . . if you were to try out a new CD player for your "almost finished" high end rig, and discovered that it sounded pretty good, but you had real concerns that it wouldn't sound good later on, after it was broken in, would you buy it?

Well, ok, maybe not the best example, seeing as how A-gon is filled with used gear . . . . ;-0)

But the analogy works in principle, so I'll keep going.

You wouldn't buy it -- you would keep looking and auditioning until you found a CDP that you felt would complement your system in the best way possible. Why? Because you know that every CDP is different, and that, somewhere out there, there is the best possible CDP to match your gear. Nothing's perfect, but you could certainly find one that would meet or exceed your most important criteria, and at least not suck on others.

That's why I'm so serious about this thread . . . . if everyone you talked to told you that ALL CD players sounded lousy after they were broken in, you wouldn't bother looking for a good one. You'd just buy whatever was most convenient and then bitch about the innate lousiness of CD players when it didn't sound good.

I'm trying to be the person who says "Wait, all CDPs DON'T sound the same. Look for one that has the qualities that will complement your system."

It's a question of priorities. What's most important to you? Since Charles started this thread, I'm assuming that his audiophilia is pretty close to the top of his list. If that's the case, then he'd better be pretty damned sure that whoever he marries is going to support that. If he suspects that the necessary support will NOT be forthcoming, and he marries the woman in question anyhow, then whatever happens down the road is nobody's fault but his.

Now, if I'm wrong, and audio gear is actually way down Charles' list, then fine -- it's certainly true that you can't have everything, and if there are lots of things that are more important to him than audio gear, then he may have to sacrifice that to get other things that he finds more important. Life is, after all, a series of compromises.

But if you assume from the very beginning that certain things are nonnegotiable, and that certain spousal traits are simply unavoidable, then you aren't truly making an informed choice.

I just want Charles, and anyone else reading this thread to know that there ARE women out there who will support you in whatever you believe is most important to you, whether that is audiophilia, a political career, or mud wrestling. But you have to decide for yourself what your priorities are, and then look for someone who complements them.

It's the match that's important -- I know lots of people who would HATE being married to my wife. She can't cook, doesn't clean, stabbed herself in the eye with a mascara brush the last time she tried to wear makeup, and can't have kids. To me, none of those things are nearly as important as the fact that she helps support my art collection, loves movies and having a great system to watch them on, backs me up on whatever I try to accomplish, makes me laugh, and brings a little more light into the lives of people who know her.

THOSE are the things that are important to me. If I had felt, prior to our wedding, that there was a serious potential for her to NOT really have those qualities, I wouldn't have married her. Period.

The bottom line, I guess, is this:

Only you know what you need to be happy, and it's your responsibility to make sure that you do everything possible to get it. If you give up, or settle for something that's not quite it, then the results are something that you'll have to live with, and there will be no one to blame but yourself.
jmcgrogan2's avatar
jmcgrogan2
6,346 posts
 
Tsrart, I not saying all women are evil, I'm saying they are different. Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We will never understand each other, even if we trick ourselves into thinking we do. I asked the questions, because in my life experiences there are 3 basic factors behind marital unhappiness and divorce. They are, in order determined by my experience:

1) Money
2) Children
3) Time

All three are tied together. They are the stress factors that are put on a marriage. The less money you have, the more children you have, the longer you've been together all place stress on a marriage. So in my experiences, it takes all 3 stress factors to really push a marriage to it's limits. For instance, if you have plenty of money, number 2 and 3 aren't as stressful. If you don't have children, number 1 and 3 aren't as stressful. The younger the relationship is, the less time you've had to grow apart. I wouldn't want to tell Charles not to get married, as I remember no one could tell me when I was 'in love'. I simply advised him to spend all that he wants to now, because it does change after marriage. He's been married before, so he understands that.
As for your cd player analogy, I kind of agree with you. Except that you have to figure in several stress factors that could cause the cd player to not perform as it did when it was new. Like you could say not taking proper care of your software is akin to lack of money. That would make the cd player not sound as good with age. Take your beautiful new cd player and plug it into a $5 K-mart multi-plug extension cord, could substitute for having children. Time can just represent time. I was married in 1983. $500 will buy you a much better sounding cd player today than it did in 1983 (I'm not sure if they were around then). So hopefully you can see how certain situations can put stress on a cd player/marriage. Does that mean you shouldn't buy a cd player? Not at all, just so you know that there is only one today. Tomorrow? Who knows? There is no gauranteed future. Most depends on how the 2 individuals can deal with the 3 major stress factors.

Regards,
John
tsrart
79 posts
 
John --

I can agree with you almost completely. There's no question that marriage takes an effort, and that various stress factors can certainly make it much more difficult to maintain a happy relationship. Money was certainly an issue in my first marriage (as in I didn't make enough of it to allow my ex to quit work, get her PhD, and buy a country home all at the same time . . . back to that priorities thing. ;-0))

And your continuation of my CDP analogy was great -- there ARE factors that are not intrinsic to the player that can cause poor performance, as you pointed out.

My main concern with this thread was that people were saying that you WOULD have problems with marriage, and that your audiophilia WOULD suffer, and that you WOULD be required to change yourself completely, no matter what woman you chose to marry. This is patently untrue, as your most recent post recognizes. Sure, you CAN have problems, and the probability of those problems arising is related to certain marital stress factors (money, kids, time, etc.), but nothing is a done deal.

I think that the single most important factor, though, and one that acts as a "buffer" against the others, is compatibility. If you and your spouse really complement each other, and you are genuinely best friends at the start, you are much more likely to be able to negotiate life's little (and big) stresses.

For example, I actually have MORE money to spend on my hobbies now that I did when I was single. Why? My wife also works, and we split expenses (based on our income ratio), and since she makes more than she "costs," our total available disposable income is higher than it would be if we were each living alone. So my wife has more money to spend on "collecting" exercise gear (as opposed to using it ;-0)), and I have more money for electronics and art.

But that only works because we have similar major priorities -- i.e., neither one of us wants to travel the world, or live in a huge mansion, or fill our house with designer knicknacks, or not have a career, etc.

So marriage certainly does change things, but it doesn't necessarily HAVE to change them for the worse.

Of course, kids, for example, can have a major impact -- but that's a choice you make. Presumably, if you want kids, you're willing to make the sacrifices necessary to take care of them. I don't consider "kids" and "marriage" to be one and the same, though, since you CAN have one without the other.

You're right -- you can't predict the future, and you can't forsee every possible problem or scenario that you might encounter. But that doesn't mean that you should resign yourself to an unsatisfying experience, and it doesn't mean that you can't plan for SOME things that you CAN forsee (like the ongoing desire for new audio gear), and it particularly doesn't mean that you aren't responsible for choosing your partner with extreme care to ensure that your major priorities are in line with each other.

To extend your extension of my analogy, sure, using a cheap power supply, having scratched CDs, and the passage of time will all impact the quality of your CD playback, but you're still a whole lot better off if you've done your homework, auditioned carefully, and are starting out with a Mark Levinson as opposed to a GE.

Sincerely,

Pat
smw30yahoocom
154 posts
 
Since I am one of a handful of women that participate in audiogon, I guess I better respond with my 2 cents. Tsart, I think your wife is very lucky indeed to be married to such a man. You seem very wise and hopefully she appreciates you. I do have a few things to say as far as marriage, but I want to make it clear that I have never been married myself, but have many long term friends (men included) and have been involved in many relationships, some worked out (still friends with them), some didn't. But I have come to some conclusions about the marriage trip. As far as a women changing (or trying to change a man after marriage) when 2 people go from living by themselves and move in with another, there has to be some changes made. It doesn't matter whether the move is with a wife, roommate, back to parents, or whoever, there has to be some kind of adjustments. In other words, you can't be exactly the same living with another as you were living by yourself. It just won't work. Also, Chaskelljr, you can plan every little minute detail down to the toothpaste tube, and you will still be hit by many, many unexpected circumstances that you will have to deal with. That's the way life is because there is no such thing as planning for many of the trials & tribulations that come our way. You just have to have a good solid base to work with and the ups & downs of life will be much easier. I personally (just my opinion) think that a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons then when the problems arise, they aren't able to deal with them in a rational manner. Some of my friends got married just because they were lonely, some of them because they needed a financial cushion, others because they just wanted to be "married". None of these people are still married to the original person. We have all discussed this many times and they realize now that they just didn't wait for the "right" person. They got married for the wrong reasons, which means marrying the wrong person.
Well, I guess that's enough from me. Charles, I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your marriage, and at 40 years old, I'm sure you know that she's the one for you. Here's to a long & happy marriage.
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