About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Well, well. It seems that my sis has chimed in. Thanks Mary. These foks deserve a pat on the back. Mary and I share a common demon that I'm going to deal with (well, hopefully) and maybe in my process she will be benefitted. Without going into too much detail we grew up with a mother that had severe mental issues but otherwise a decent person. She was very good at knowing the two of us would not tell dad, being the obedient kids we were. Dad was wonderful but kept out of the loop unless he conneceted the dots. We were good at hiding the dots from him. Upon leaving the nest neither could have asked for a better mother. Not that she was perfect. We would see the dark side of her but it didn't have the same impact as when we were under her control as kids so my adult years with her were great until after my father died. She then lost her mind and became the nightmare mom from hell stirring up all kinds of memories we had boxed away in the recesses of our minds. I'm not at peace with this issue at all and neither is my sister. I need to let it go, forgive mom and, if I'm lucky, show Mary the way. Wish me luck on this one because I've been trying for nearly a decade now. I do know this. Mom did the best she could do with the tools she had. I can't mimimize her early life as I know it was a true hell. She was one of nine children born to an American Indian father. A half breed during a time that society was....well, you know. Her folks died of tuberculosis when she was a teenager and she became infected also. My fathers family was opposed to the marriage because of the bloodline and I'm sure you can fill in the rest in your heads. Tough for poor old mom. Whatever she went through was certainly more than she dished out.

Here's a good piece of advice I offer if you guys find yourselves on the receiving end of chemo some day. Listen to the nurses that give you these drugs. They are way more street wise than any doctor you have. I went through chemo in the late 80's for lymphoma and was given more serious meds than I'm now getting. I developed some side effects back then but never experienced nausea, vomiting or the other nasty. So, in my infinite ignorance I didn't take those meds and spent a pretty miserable first night in the bathroom. Since that episode I've begun taking the meds and everything is fine.

Vetterone (Steve), Barb and I went to hear some pretty good un-amplified jazz last night with it ending early enough to go get some ice cream and get home early enough to watch some Saturday Night Live. For the record, I think Ludicris sucks and will forever do so. What a waste of broadcast time.

The pieces I'd sent in to be painted for my equipement rack were picked up yesterday. This is a very old project and the stuff was dropped off prior to all this stuff that has arisen in my life. Funny, but the color I chose for the shelves goes really well with the color Steve painted my music room. As soon as I take the time to put all of this in place I'll post my system as it now is and later after the upgrades so you guys can get a look. I'm really proud of how the room has shaped up. I still need to do a couple of acoustical treatments but the room is really excellent as it is, IMHO. Good dimensions anyway and enough stuff about to break up reflections.

Have a good Sunday and enjoy friends, family and music. That's my plan for the day.

Pat

This thread is unlike anything I have witnessed before, its amazing(that's hardly the proper adjective, but the best I can come up with). I want to share the short version of my father with Pat, he was diagnosed with a deemed terminal disease just over 8 years ago. At the time they gave him 5 good years, maybe less; well now its 8 years later and he's great. In fact right now we're planning how were going to get rid of all this snow we got in Albany, New York yesterday, the father/son snow removing team :)

Life throws curve balls at you, that's for sure, but the moments inbetween are what make it all worth while.

Well, well, this thread is amazing, always with new plot twists, just like a good novel. Hello Mary, welcome aboard. Nice to hear from another of Pat's family members.
Pat, I can somewhat identify, as my mother went temporarily insane also. She had 9 kids in 7 years, after having 3 kids in 7 years myself, and seeing the pressure's that can place on one, I have more of an understanding why she 'lost it'. I cannot even imagine that many tiny, needy people all at once. She is much better now, but not fully recovered.
Her 'issues' is the reason I quit school and moved away from home. We're back on speaking terms now, but it will never be a 'normal' relationship. I have 8 sisters, 2 older, 6 younger, they kept trying to get me a brother, until they finally gave up. I also have a sister named Mary. She is the only one who still cannot forgive my mother. She hasn't spoken to her for over 20 years.
I've tried to talk with Mary, because I feel life is too short to carry around all this anger. I also feel that the only person injured by the anger is the one carrying it. It's not healthy, one must learn to let it go. I know that is easier said than done, but we must try, for our own sake.

Time to jump off the soapbox.

Pat, unamplified jazz, were they playing their own material, or covering old classics like Miles Davis, Coltrane, etc? That's my favorite genre. How was the sound?

Mary, I just happened to be spinning Neil Young's Harvest Moon last night! Has anyone heard Greendale yet? I've been thinking about ordering that one. Neil and Van Morrison are two of my favorite longtime male vocalists. Their songs really move me.

Best Regards,
John

Tireguy and Jmcgrogan,

This thread is amazing and I appreciate your talking about your father. Understand, I will try to outlive all the doom and gloom and don't put a lot of value in statistics. I'm not going to deny the inevitable if and when it comes though. I just don't think denial works in your benefit at that point. That's here for all of us to go through anyway. Nobody is going to escape these earthly bounds without going through death. Enough of this stuff for now. This is a time for living.

The un-amplified jazz was a mixed bag. Some of it was jazz standards, some original music and still some were from the latest top 500 Rolling Stone recommendations. It was fun. Steve mentioned that he felt the sax player was running out of air sometimes. Does anyone play sax? Is it harder on the lungs to play with a sock stuffed deeply into it to quiet it down? I didn't notice this myself last night but the comment has made me wonder if he was working harder than normal.

About this band. They gave me a DVD last night which I hope to pass around to everyone. You can copy it or simply view it and maybe we can figure out a way to pass it around. These guys are really, really talented. Unfortunately, they are professional people and won't be quitting their day jobs anytime soon, but if they did they could find permanent employment in Vegas. The trombone player is the mayor of my city, the drummer is a counselor at Mountain States Tumor Institute and I've known him since the late 80's when I was battling lymphoma. The sax player, who I believe is the finest musician in the band, is a nurse/EMT guy. The keyboardest owns a travel agency and ice cream shop. Everyone else is also professional in their employment as well. They are generally headliners on the West Coast large jazz festivals and the band name is High Street. They have a website and I'm sure it would be easy enough to Google. They have anual standing gigs in NYC but I don't know the particulars as I've never asked. Once a year a local travel agency books a cruise with this band being the reason for going. It always sells out early and is known to be a blast.

I still haven't found a knowledgeable volunteer that will post the photo of Steve, Paul and myself into this thread. I'd really like to see this done. So, if you can insert it please fire me off an email and I'll forward it to you. Thanks in advance.

I've been touched by the posts about forgiveness. You started it, Pat ! Thank you so much for your own story. Amen, Jmcgrogan2, to "life's too short to be carrying around all that anger." It's taken me a while to accept that my story, with its consequences for the way I see things, is a mighty part of what makes me who I am.

Two writers and teachers who I feel have helped me are Byron Katie and the late Anthony de Mello.

One thing I've found is that forgiveness makes it easier to hear music...