Fed up with people making noise at classical shows

welcome to ......wait for it......THE PUBLIC!

The cast/orchestra can get there own back. In the early 50's an aged uncle of mine was at a show in London, in his Sunday best outfit. It was a comedy by the crazy gang, a famous clown/slapstick group of artists. He was laughing in the wrong place, talking, generally making a nuisance of himself. The cast told him off, but he went on, so they emptied a bucket of distemper, thats very liquid paint, all over him.

So there is your answer, strategic buckets of paint around the auditorium, for the audience to use on anyone coughing or sneezing. What you do to anyone with a mobile phone that goes off, I don't know. Flogging is to good for them.

Every seat should be wired into a master panel controlled by the conductor.

Make some noise- low voltage alert
More noise- a nice strong tingle
Obnoxious and persistent noise- Taser level jolt

Everything captured on DVD for sale outside of the concert hall after the performance.

Keep the riffraff out? But that would create so many empty seats it might affect the acoustics.

This thread is funny and tragic at the same time. I believe that our society is more rude in general than, let's say, just one generation ago. For myself, I find that as I get older background noise is more bothersome. When I was twenty is was easy to ignore the idiots who were talking during a performance. Not so much now.

I am fortunate that I have been able to attend many classical and opera performances in Europe over the years, and I will say that while there is still a big difference in attitude between American and European audiences, even the the Europeans are complaining about the same issues.

There has to be a line, but where to draw it and who is the decider? I was once at an opera performance in L.A., La Trav as I recall. A few seats down from me was an elderly gentleman who was having obvious and audible problems controlling his flatulence. It was annoying, but everyone seemed to understand and took it in stride.

In another instance (also in L.A.), we were at a matinee performance of Die Walkure (big mistake on both counts) and some young lady (wearing a little cowgirl hat), sitting next to my daughter, decided that it was up to her to join Brunnhilde and help summon the Valkyries. Loudly and off key. Needless to say, after the performance I tried to politely inform her that this was not acceptable and that the attendees paid (a lot) of money to hear the cast; not her. Her reply was that she always sang along at concerts (it is apparently expected in the country western genre), and that she felt that she was perfectly within her rights as an LAOC subscriber (!).