Fed up with people making noise at classical shows


Last night I heard Vladimir Feltsman perform Chopin's Ballades at the Perelman Theater in Philadelphia's Kimmel Center. My excitement was building as my favorite part of the first Ballade approached. Immediately before the key was struck, someone sneezed. It was at that moment that I asked myself, "What the hell am I doing here? I have this at home, recorded by three different pianists." Throughout the performance were the sounds of coughing, sneezing moving in one's seat, dropping of programs, and talking.

I know this is the chance you take when attending live classical concerts and I LOVE hearing live music, but frankly I'm sick of it. I'm sick of paying money for traveling and the ticket itself just to be annoyed for two hours. Last Tuesday night a ringing cell phone disrupted a performance by the New York Philharmonic to the point where the conductor actually stopped the orchestra half way through Mahler's Ninth and addressed the moron who wouldn't shut it off.

Once, DURING A PERFORMANCE, someone got out of their seat, walked up to the stage and began "conducting the orchestra" with an imaginary baton.

As I said, I love attending live music, but when things like this happen, I'm ready to just stay home and save myself the aggravation.

Sorry, just had to vent.
devilboy
First, cough and sneezing can be controled in many though not all cases but you must be determined to do it. And second, you should know how to cough and sneeze as quietly as possible. Most people just make no effort to do it.
I think, that conductors who stop performance or pay any attention at all because of a ringing phone make mistakes. They should continue no matter what, that would re-enforce the power of music not give the power to idiots.
Bad manners are annoying anywhere, be it concert hall or McDonald's.

The cast/orchestra can get there own back. In the early 50's an aged uncle of mine was at a show in London, in his Sunday best outfit. It was a comedy by the crazy gang, a famous clown/slapstick group of artists. He was laughing in the wrong place, talking, generally making a nuisance of himself. The cast told him off, but he went on, so they emptied a bucket of distemper, thats very liquid paint, all over him.

So there is your answer, strategic buckets of paint around the auditorium, for the audience to use on anyone coughing or sneezing. What you do to anyone with a mobile phone that goes off, I don't know. Flogging is to good for them.
Every seat should be wired into a master panel controlled by the conductor.

Make some noise- low voltage alert
More noise- a nice strong tingle
Obnoxious and persistent noise- Taser level jolt

Everything captured on DVD for sale outside of the concert hall after the performance.
Keep the riffraff out? But that would create so many empty seats it might affect the acoustics.