is finding a good a/v preamp/amp asking too much?

There is an editorial in one of the later editions of TAS that recommends using the two channel preamp of your choice which has a HT pass thru, and then buying the latest greatest throw-away surround sound receiver that will play your movies. That way you don't compromise the two channel experience and you're not married to cut rate electronics when you really want to listen.
Personally, Surround sound doesn't do a thing for me. I've heard only one home system that even mildy impressed me. Just run the TV through a high quality two channel and forget the surround sound part.

I don't think the speakers that you're considering are way outside the box for a AVR in your price range. My speakers are worth about $3k retail and they sound great. I've heard my speakers connected to a system in the store that was intended for the Focal Grande Utopia's and while they sounded much better, I still don't feel that mine are lacking in comparison.

The biggest issue with going with an AV receiver and stereo integrated is that it takes about $800 to get into an HDMI receiver and that's nearly half of the stated budget.

I have an Integra 50.1 receiver that seems to be a much more solid unit that my friends Integra 40.2. Just the difference in weight gives a clue to how much difference there is. I think a new 50.2 would be about $1,500. I'm not sure what the prices are on the next models up.

My friends 40.2 is currently running a 2.1 setup and it's not nearly as good for home theater as my 4.1 setup. Having the rear channels is necessary even if they are not high quality speakers.

Keep in mind that everyone has a different opinion of what sounds good.

Is your surround system going to consists of 5 or 7 speakers? If it's 5, then I suggests considering a used 5 channel reciever like a Marantz, Dennon or even a McIntosh. You won't have HDMI but you can just go direct with the wiring and probably get better results. The only thing your giving up in that scenario is a more convienant remote setup. Good ones which were top of the line in their day go for around $300.

I have a Marantz SR-18ex that sounds pretty decent. Very heavy with 140 watts/ch. Use the amps in the reciever for the surrounds and use the pre-out to your amps for your Maggies. Try it without a preamp for a while then experiment with a dedicated preamp (with AV pass through).

I would also recommend the AVR w/ separate int amp or preamp with HT bypass to build a hybrid rig for movies and music.

But, whoever said it has to be all at once? And who really thinks you will EVER be done once you start? :-)

Start with the most AVR with preouts you can get for your budget - then 'upgrade' later by incorporating some nice 2-channel gear that supports HT bypass.

There is no destination for this hobby - just be on the 'path' :-)