I wholeheartedly agree that the music comes first and is the reason for the whole ordeal. Much, or even most of the time, I am listening to THE music. I love the idea of "losing all consciousness" of the gear and just have the music wash over me in waves. Fortunately, this kind of experience is pretty frequent. It certainly is the goal.
That being said, I think we all know the experience of our minds being distracted from the music, as it wanders to the gear, the room, the recording, the cables, etc. A perceived "little" change, a comment from a guest, something seemingly sounding different or not as good as the last time I think I heard it, etc. can initiate another ride on the roller coaster between tunes and gear. Little whispering voices chatter in the head.... "What if I ...." "If only.... " "I wonder...."
I've also noticed that the "better" my gear has gotten, the more I expect from it. Sometimes my expectations might not be realistic. Maybe I should have just hired the band for a night to perform in my living room... then again, maybe my hi-fi sounds better than the band live!?
Unfortunately, sometimes I found my gear trying to "tell me" what to listen to and what to avoid. This can happen with a piece of music that I really like, but I can't stand the recording. So I don't play it as much anymore as when I had a "less revealing" system. On the other hand, sometimes I found myself listening to music that I wouldn't have ordinarily chosen under the pretenses that it made my stereo sound magnificent! (as in too much Diana Krall) Who picked THAT stuff... my preamp?
Can anybody relate to the above?