This can be a maddening process.
True. And a lot of work. Spending a lot of time that we could otherwise use to enjoy the music. But don't give up. Stay with it. Amazing things can be accomplished by speaker (and listening chair) positioning. And it's free! Lots of trial and error. A UMIK-1 and REW (and a laptop) can help even further, in addition (obviously) to using your ears.