I wanna hear some "audio" jokes...and

A bass player was, as always, broke. Wishing for a cheap vacation, he saw an enticing ad in the travel section of the Sunday New York Times:

"Mississippi Riverboat Cruises! Four relaxing days, three nights on the Big Muddy. Special fare for bass players - $1.99! Bring your bass to claim reduced rate."

Excited, he grabbed his acoustic bass and headed to the dock. At the ticket window, he proudly displayed his bass:

"I'm here to inquire about the $1.99 cruise for bass players," he announced.

"Is that there your bass, sir?

"You bet. The very best."

"No problem, then, arranging your cruise. That'll be $1.99 . . . "

As the bass player plopped two bucks on the counter, a blunt object smacked the back of his head. The stunned musical vacationer fell to the ground. Waking hours later, he found himself tied to the bass and floating lazily down the Mississippi. His head ached. Unable to free himself, he floated calmly on. After awhile, he saw beauty in the passing riverscape: idling sloops, tall trees, fishermen on the shoreline, herons startled from the shallows . . .

Our bass player-on-vacation snoozed a bit as he scooted silently with the big river's surge. When he awoke, he spotted another man, floating nearby, tied to a bass. Since he was weak and somewhat thirsty, he called over:

"Hey, man. Do they serve food or drinks on this cruise?"

The other replied, cheerfully, "They didn't last year."

I don't usually pass on sad news like this, but sometimes we need to pause
and remember what life is all about. There was a great loss recently.

Larry LaPrise, the Detroit native who wrote the song "Hokey Pokey", died at the age of 83.

It was extremely difficult for the family to keep him in the casket. They'd put his left leg in and....well, you know the rest.

The symphony orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage, about 20 minutes, during which the bass violinists have nothing to do.

Rather than sit around that whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession, one of them looked at his watch and said,

"Hey! We need to get back!"

No need to panic," said a fellow bassist. "I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see? It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."

A traveler is shipwrecked and swims to a seemingly tranquil, tropical island. Soon after recovering he notices an incessant drumming resounding from the other side of the island. And it doesn't ever stop or slow down.

Finding a native later that day, our traveler politely asks, "When do the drums stop?"

The native countenance immediately reflects a very fearful response, and insists, "Drums not stop!!" and runs away.

This goes on for another full day. Our hero finds another native and asks the same question. "Drums NOT stop!!" is his only answer.

After three days of constant drumming, he finds an old native and in exasperation asks, "What happens if the drums stop???"

The old native shakes his head sadly and replies, "bass solo."

From Kellys, a now closed stereo and music store in downtown Halifax comes these two true stories. Two young girls were browzing the record bins when one exclaims, "Oh look, Paul McCartney was with another group before Wings". And what was this guy smoking when he came in the store and went throught the Jimi Hendrix records and complained to an employee that Jimi hadn't any new records. "He's deceased," was the reply. "Okay," the stranger said," but he hasn't released anything new."....... That reminds me, I have a MCA vinyl copy, "Are You Experienced?" from 1997 never played.....Well, I'll try that today. Spin them black discs....don't need upsamping for this....