However, after a few years of crazy looks and exasperated comments about the upgrades I've done to my home system (probably one major upgrade a year), I didn't miss the opportunity to turn the questions around. "Why do you need a new one when you've already got one the works". "What makes a different one better - does it have more strings or something?" "Do you realize we could spend that money on something I want instead?"
After extracting a modest amount of pain with that type of question, I got a little more serious and asked her to explain to me (seriously) what she was hoping to achieve with this "upgrade". She started by telling me that "I just wouldn't understand". I thought this was interesting because when I upgrade the audio system, I'd LOVE it if somebody expressed and interest in what I was trying to accomplish and wanted to hear it for themselves. I insisted that I could understand, at least somewhat, and then my wife got involved in trying to answer the question, which made it a really good exercise. I haven't done a major upgrade since then, so I don't know if it will have a lasting effect, but it was fun to turn the game around.
I have also tried, over time and somewhat unsuccessfully, to point out that if you add up everything I've ever spent on A/V gear, it's less than the kitchen remodel my wife wants to do, probably not much more than the bathroom remodel we've already done, etc. I sometimes think it's another version of the old deal of the differences between how men and women keep "score" - men have different amounts of points earned depending on the quality of the act, while women tend to count things as one point each. I think I could convince my wife to let me spend $50K all at once on a system without a lot more difficulty than convincing her to let me spend $5K five times. I don't think she understands that I enjoy it a lot more spending money over the course of time and experimenting.
Great topic! - Kirk