Dealer behavior issue


I would like opinions as to whether members feel that I’m being unreasonable to think
that a very popular dealer has not performed so well on my behalf, the customer. Last summer I ordered an expensive ARC amp understanding that delivery would most likely be in Oct which was fine with me. I did make a commitment which I understand.
My situation seriously changed due to my wife’s health but I agree that’s not his problem.
At this point I requested to pay a handsome restocking fee, 2-3k, can’t remember the amount but he was cavalier saying why would I want to do this?
So that was that.
The unit is about to be delivered and as I’ll immediately resell the unopened box I gave him a last offer.
The transaction had a current unit model trade in that retailed for 8k and is a favorite product of his and he carries it.
Yesterday I offered to give him this unit as the restock fee with 90 days to fully refund me.
I have received no response so he didn’t like my offer which is his right. I have spent over 40k retail over the last two years with him with no problems.
So in the end I changed my mind which is the lowest form of audio behavior. Was I foolish to think this guy would accommodate me? The product I offered to GIVE him will fly out his door for $4k .
This is just business as usual ?
4425
Typically, the dealer is not charged for ANY product until it ships.  If the product hasn’t even left ARC then most likely he hasn’t even been charged yet!  Where did the money go? You should be eligible for a full refund because he’s out nothing.  The next logical solution is that he spent the money on other operating costs so he has enough left to pay the cost of the unit, but not enough to give you a refund.
There are way too many holes in your story to be believable. There must be something else that you are not including. Why would you be charged anything if the item was never shipped? A full refund without a restocking fee or any other charge would be the norm. The only fee if any should be the shipping from ARC to the dealer and from the dealer back to ARC!
Lot of quick judgments about the dealer with only the ops stated story of the "facts".
this is not a complicated story and i’m sure not very interesting but i wanted to know if others have had such an experience. I have offerred generously to undo a purchase that i committed to way before the unit was built. i know that i’ll get the unit; there’s nothing dishonest here. i’ve been buying audio gear for over 40 years and trust him enough to wire payment to him. 
its when he said “why would i take it back as i’d rather sell two? “ that bugs me. 
anyway i’ll take the unit(obviously) and resell at less of a loss than the restocking fees i offerred him. i do change my mind at times about which cable to get etc but never on big ticket items till now. if he doesn’t like me he shouldn’t take my orders which have been extensive. we’ve always gotten along well till this.