I have a serious phobia problem with cleaning records

Good question. More to the point, how can we help?

HiI have RCM phobia .And I need help to over come my phobia wiith cleaning records. I'm ok with a Mofi brush or a cloth and just go in a circle and clean the dust off... But I am terrified of liquids and machines. Because I never know the right one to choose. The automation one's that all cost more I think give me some kind of small security but even reading stories on here now give me second thoughts. The machines aren't perfect either. As for doing manually forget it ...

So if we take this seriously one, it's a phobia. An unreasonable, groundless fear. So either he's joking, or he needs counseling. 

He says he's terrified because he doesn't know the right one to choose. Well, it's the Walker 4step Enzyme cleaning system. Or even if not, well any liquid cleaning system is better than what he's doing, wiping the dust off. 

But he refuses to buy a machine, and refuses to clean manually.  

So every single thing we could suggest, he has categorically ruled out. There really is nothing more to say other than seek psychiatric counseling. That's not a dig, just a solid logical conclusion based on everything the OP himself has said. 

But that is if we take him seriously. If we take it as humor then all I can say is, don't quit your day job!

i have an okki nokki - like it, it works well

using liquid soap bath, brush and vacuum takes a little getting used, but like anything else, you learn and get used to it

What happened with me was I kept using one of those kits you buy at radio shack or the red bottle of mysterious liquid with the wood brush and cloth bit ... Where you spray the LP and you like have very little patience thinking it’s dry by using the cloth... Then you put on the LP and that’s the first LP it’s horrendous static ... Then freak out ... Cause it’s just major static thinking what did I do it didn’t sound like this before. You take out a random record do nothing to do it but wipe the dust off it with a different cloth you put the LP on you experience the exact same static you had with the LP you think you were trying to clean and every record after that till you don’t play records for months cause you think you ruined the records the turntable the stylus the cart the tone arm everything till the stylus maybe dries or whatever or you simply ruined the cart .. . Now you put static on your stylus cart maybe thru the tone arm... That’s why I say ............... Phobia ................. So to over come this horror with cleaning records I want a machine to do the whole thing but I don’t want the same results... I liked CD’s where you didn’t have to do anything... But you know that whole story... I really don’t play records I transfer them to digital because well they sound better 75 percent of the time... Sometimes a CD can kick a record out of the park.... It all depends... But records for me many of the time you have to do yourself because the sound just sounds better and usually it’s artist and a album no one cares to transfer to digital it’s a whole science ... Then there’s my vinyl rig not sure what I’m doing with that either... I really like when " rippers " deal with it and do it better cause they have this amazing discipline I been dealing with internet vinyl ripping phenomena since 2007. Before 2006 I was buying CD’s off amazon as stores went out of business one by one ...  And records were over for me in 1987 when I was given a CD player as a present and that went on for 20 years  CD's thousands of CD's .. Then internet 1995 then fiber optic cable 2008 the resurgence of vinyl... But you I'm sure you know the trouble with all that... Still going on today .... I won't go into the details... This was enough ...

Pay someone to clean your LPs! Preferably nearby! I"d do it for you if you were in the neighborhood. I have cleaned over 1000 LPs! I also clean second-hand CDs! Over 1000 of them! 

I use a Nitty Gritty Record  cleaning machine.   It's the manual version, I have to spin the record myself.  The vacuum is a bit loud although. I also use deionized water in a damp cloth.