I'm beginning to think that the Ayre just doesn't pair well with my amps.Given the findings you've described, I suspect that you're right. When you connect the cables to the preamp, you are introducing the possibility of ground loop-related noise, but I would expect the xlr connections to be much less susceptible to that than the rca connections, and you are saying that the results are fairly similar either way.
So even though the noise performance of the Ayre preamp is probably very good (I note that John Atkinson describes the noise performance of the presumably similar K5-xeMP as "superb"), the little bit of noise it generates in the circuitry that follows the volume control is being boosted to bothersome levels by the combination of the high gain of the amp and the high sensitivity of the speakers.
The only solution that occurs to me other than replacing the amps or the speakers would be to put in-line attenuators at the inputs to the amps. The Rothwell's, which are available in both balanced and unbalanced form, are an example, although the 10db of attenuation they provide might not be as much as you would want. I believe some others are available that provide 20db or thereabouts, but I'm not sure if they are available in balanced as well as unbalanced form.
Regards,
-- Al