About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Paul,

Welcome back. I've been concerned about you. Congrats on the new house and joining the firm. Keep chasing those bad guys!

After careful consideration, and partly motivated by Paul's return, I offer the following dubious news with the usual caveat about everything health-wise being out of my control, etc. On my last visit with the doctor and approaching the statistical ending of the usefulness of my current chemo, he said we should be considering no further treatments when this medication fails. What chemical options are left are so toxic that using them is as bad as letting the cancer run its course. Using them would not provide me with anything that resembles a good day. I've kind of alluded to how yucky I feel most of the time now. As it is I have a couple of days per week where, still feeling crappy, I can rise to the occassion and have a day. If I don't have any days where I can muster the energy to be alive there is no sense in going on. I still have hope that I'll defy the odds and this current drug will see me through a trip to the Rocky Mountain Audio Fest. According to the doc when I stop chemo entirely I will have about two months. It'll only take a couple of weeks for me to likely quit posting to this thread. I'll keep you guys advised about what is happening. Next Friday is my next treatment and then the scheduled week off during which I get my next CT scan. That's on the 29th. The following week we will look at the scan results and decide if further treatment is beneficial or not.

If I fall off the radar on this thread I trust that those faithful Audiogon friends that phone me will keep everyone updated. I'll try to write something and have my daughter post it for me after I'm outta here as final words to you guys. No matter what, I want you all to know that still, I'm okay. Going to a friends house today to listen to some tunes and visit thanks to Barb being able to drive me over.

Pat

You will NEVER be off our radar or far from our thoughts, Pat. I hope this day is one of your good ones (and tomorrow and etc.). If not, then take it easy, slip in one of those silver disks and try and rest.

Lugnut, it sounds like you are forecasting what might become some to the darkest days of your life’s journey here with us and I just want you to know you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

The following is a re-post by Captain Danjel Bout (aka thunder6) from his blog. When I read it I realized it applied to how I feel about you and decided to share it with everyone now.

“I was sustained by one piece of inestimable good fortune. I had for a friend a man of immense and patient wisdom and a gentle but unyielding fortitude. I think that if I was not destroyed at this time by the sense of hopelessness, which these gigantic labors has awakened in me, it was largely because of the courage and patience of this man. I did not give in because he would not let me give in."
-Thomas Wolfe

“Some people come into your life like a leaf settling onto a pond, their arrival causing nary a ripple. Others hurtle in like a stone falling from a high cliff, their entrance marked by a riot of spray and a corona of liquid motion. But after their explosive entrance these too quickly fade, the circlet of energy disappearing as its kinetic seed settles to the bottom. And then there are people who pass through your life like a smooth river rock skipping across the surface. Their swift trajectory doesn’t allow them to settle into the chill depths of being, but their dance between the elements of air and water momentarily suspends the boundaries between all things. And shows you, if only for a brilliant moment, that all things are possible.

There are no words that accurately describe those rare individuals, nor are there words to express the yearning you feel when you don’t hear from them or they have to move on. If there is a consolation it comes from the knowledge that their lessons are inscribed on the most durable of mediums…your soul.“

Patrick, you occupy a big spot in my heart and soul, man; don’t give in, and I hope you hear good news after the 29th CT scan and have many many more good days.

Warmest regards,
L

Lngbruno- Amazing quotes. Who is the author of the 2nd?

You guys are way too generous in what you think of me. Honestly, I'm really dealing with the the demon I call DREAD right now and it is a challenge to not flinch, not just for myself but also for Barb. Neither one of us is looking forward to what lies ahead but we both have faith that God will watch over us, our little family, extended family and friends.

I had accepted the fact that my personal endless list of "things to do" we all have would just be left undone except for the most important ones. Barb asked me to get two things done for her, both of which I really didn't want to do because of the effort involved physically and, worse yet, emotionally. First, the family sedan is pretty well used up and she would like a different car. Groan. I'm still signed up at the Idaho Auto Auction as a buyer for several dealerships. The prospect of going through that process made me want to lie down and take a nap just thinking about it. It's a lot more work than you can realize if you do it right. Luckily, I contacted one of my long time employers that offered to let me select any car he has at his two locations and buy wholesale at pure cost. So, today we'll pay for an '05 Impala with a couple of thousand miles on it. I'll be gifting our old family sedan to our daughter Amanda in hopes that it will be of some positive benefit to her. It's still a solid car and can last a long time but will need some TLC at times. When I wrapped up the car purchase Barb broke down and said how much she would rather have me around than any car. I tried to laugh and said that I knew she would trade everything we have and live in a tent in exchange for keeping me around. I then asked her to, as quickly as possible, view her new life without me as an adventure, saying that would make me happy.

We have had plans to install a bi-fold solid door between the music room and the main house. This would serve three really nice purposes. I'm sure that stage depth would come alive, it would be aesthetically pleasing and allow the room to be shut off when not in use. A side benefit would be to keep children away from the gear. Unfortunately prior arrangements to have this done fell through. It's a real challenge to even get someone to come bid on such a small project what with the abundance of new construction going on around here. There is no lack of work for even a bad handyman. I'm working hard to get someone to do it at a reasonable price but I'm not optomistic. I may have to take a good screwing and keep a smile on my face all the while. Been there and done that before so I think I can keep the heartburn on low fire. This is a must do!

For myself as well as for Barb I leaned on a couple of friends to run conduit into the music room for two dedicated circuits. It's a pretty easy install, but again if I were to try and hire someone for it in this building boom it would be about four times the cost it should be. This project will be done by the weekend. I also stepped up and purchased the best of the best NOS tubes for the Supratek yesterday. These should arrive on Thursday. As good as the performance of the Syrah is if you looked under the hood it's construction resembles a junior high school shop class project. Last time I looked there were two un-soldered connections. The umbilical cord between the power supply and pre is made from the worlds worst solid core tiny wire which would be okay if you set up a system and never moved it. But in the real world of multiple owners I'm now faced with checking every one of those tiny solder connections on both ends as I think I may have a connection questionable. IMO, the Syrah should be sold in a kit form. It couldn't possibly be done any cheesier by a newbie and for the experienced builder its performance would likely be much better if the wiring wasn't such a rats nest. Still, its magic in my system and I'm looking forward to whatever sonic improvements lie ahead. I'll also try and wrap up a really slow and tedious project for my speaker wires. The Ridge Street twin stereo pairs I have are made for spades but the spade fittings are just machined into the flat silver cable. My amps and speakers require bananas so I'm currently using some adaptors. I've taken 22 gauge silver flat and hand crafted silver spades and a silver washer for each of the sixteen contacts. I'm using 4" of silver wire (thanks Albert Porter) to Eichman bullet plugs. These short jumpers will be bolted to the existing cables with nylon bolts and treated with Walker SST. Hopefully this will sound as good as it is now if not better. By this weekend I hope to not need to do anything else to my gear although I did buy one of those 0.01 gram accuracy scales to set the cartridge at its optimum weight.

Barb has proven to be a very quick study with the software and hardware use. She is good about cleaning records on the machine. She's kind of taken control of fippin' and cuein' while I observe. She's taken to correct start up and shut down easily enough so I guess she's pretty much got the whole process down. I haven't yet covered cleaning of the stylus with her. I'm pretty sure that will be a fearful thing for her to learn. We'll save that for when she has a few miles of experience with everything else and i'm satisfied she's developed good habits without having to think too much about what she's doing. She's really been a good sport about it all and I let her choose whatever she wants to put on. Her taste in music has reawakened me to tunes I'd long forgot. I associate most of what I hear with something that occured around the time I purchased a record. Her choices have brought back some really cool memories of the two of us when we were so young and chasing all our dreams and fantasies.

I received my new copy of If Only I Could Remember My Name by David Crosby. Amazing. It's certainly not true audiophile grade but it's very, very nice. Atantic must have re-issued this at some time on heavier vinyl, maybe 160 gram. It's really nice vinyl and the mix is exactly like the original as far as I can tell. I'm very glad that I got this one. Some of it is a little spacey but that's understandable if you look at the cast of characters playing. On a pure pleasure scale i give it a ten. On the ear candy scale about and eight. Two hearty thumbs up in its totality.

Keep cheering these efforts on guys. I need some mental energy sent my way on the projects. Running on fumes. LOL.

Oh yeah, again I ain't no hero. I'm somewhat scared and very apprehensive about this crap. I'd much rather be out fly fishing or throwing a clutchless shift at the track. Hell, I'd even rather be cleaning vinyl non-stop. I'm just trying to remain pragmatic since it is what it is, paraphrasing King Soloman. Today life is very good even with things the way they are. Honest.