Perhaps we both misunderstood you. I agree with most of the analysis in your most recent post. And if your statement about how escrow works is correct, then I guess I agree with all of it. However, in your example, I believe that escrow agent would not release funds back to buyer until seller verfied that the goods had been returned. Since I've not had a problem such as you describe, I cannot say which scenario is correct, yours or mine.
With regard to the $60K transaction; if I'm spending that much money you damn well better believe that I will inspect and accept goods in person ( my first house cost $55K.) The one time I make a $2K+ deal, I had a friend in the seller's city go check it out.
I do think that you are missing the boat in not feeling comfortable making a deal based on substantial feedback. If the guy has done 50 or 100 transactions, all to good reports, why would you be the one that went bad? Anyone can disagree on condition and if you're going to get cranked about 1 AGS point, then maybe internet is not the way for you to buy. However, if your concern is deliberate misrepresentation, then a significant feedback profile, followed by a phone call or two should do the trick for most items. Check the feedback and forum history of the 10 most recent feedback posters for the guy or gal you are considering doing business with. Drop them a line. My point is that since $ are often untraceable while goods are more so, the buyer is actually all of a risk when he sends an m.o./cashiers check out to buy.
BTW, I agree that a 3rd party insurer is worth a fee (1% each to buyer and seller, I would say is fair). How about it Audiogon? Also remember I said that so far, I have not felt a need to post negative feedback for any deal here or on ebay.