Girlfriends and wifes, how do YOU cope?

I tell her how much the stuff really costs and say "Aren't you lucky I'm not spending this money on another woman?!?"

Seriously, she knows how music, and my system, relaxes me and helps cope with this thing we call LIFE.

We have a new house and with it I've been upgrading all of my 20 year old TV and stereo equipment. My wife has been patient with my desires and wishes and we have worked to a compromise on the TV topic. Yes, we could get an HDTV, but it to be an inexpensive 27" TV (we picked a Samsung that is splendid for less than $1000). However, ironically, the month I decide I'm going to invest in that new McIntosh integrated amp I've sought for 20 years my wife decides we're going to track ALL of our expenses for that month to determine our monthly costs and create budgets. Doh! So we discussed it and agreed I would not share the cost of the amp (fortunately, she is not aware of the McIntosh value). But to be fair I'm going to reduce my other expenditures for the year. This is what I'm learning about marriage: it is all about comprimising to meet each other's needs and there is a balance which must be acheived. You both must respect each other's interests and allow each other to follow them. I agree as others have stated here that honesty is important. Admit that it IS an expensive piece of equipment, but be willing to make trade-offs in other areas, like holding off trading in that old Subaru for another year.

Before I was married a friend of mine gave me this advice: buy all your toys now because once you're married it won't be so easy to sneak them in the door.

budrew-one of my newest audiogon friends told me that just last week! get your toys now, while you still have the chance! I guess you both must be right ;)

Not bad advice, but not a cure-all either. If you're used to buying toys, you're not going to stop being interested once you get married or just because you've finally got your dream system. Plus, you'll find that your "needs" change - I've got more room to set up an awesome system now than at any time in my life, but with three other people in the house I don't have quite the flexibility for setup I used to have. If I already had my Dynaudio Evidence's powered by the baddest monoblocs I could imagine, I wouldn't be able to set them up today anyway. I'm way more interested in getting fabulous sound in the space I do have. It's far more important that you set expectations going into the marriage than to have acquired all the toys. -kirk

Someone, I think it was Albert, perhaps in this thread or perhaps in a similar one, pointed out, that it was important to make quite clear, right at the start of a relationship, ones dedication to music and the consequences this might have, so the choice is the lady's, if she is willing to live with this or not. Its honest, its clear and its true to oneself. This attitude is very similar to mine and through my life - which by now is a fairly long one - I've adhered to it and not done badly. Perhaps I've been lucky, because I never fell in love with anybody, who did not love music and infatuations to the contrary never really lasted long. If I think back on my most important relationship, which lasted almost 40 years, we never had an argument about equipment, because she knew it would serve the music, which we both loved. She used to look at my system as a musical instrument, which was evolving, a work in progress, listening critically, advising, helping. It was a passion we shared, music, the gear was only a means to its end. If I read some of the posts above, I suppose, I've been really blessed and very lucky. Cheers,