Guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. Bartender says "can I help you?" Duck says "get this guy off my butt".
My mother didn't breastfeed me. She said she only wanted to be friends.
I was kidnapped as a child. They cut off one of my fingers and sent it to my folks. My folks said they needed more proof.
I wanted to go ice skating on the pond. My mother said "wait until it gets warmer".