Irishman says, "My wife is driving me to drink." His friend replies, "You're lucky, my wife makes me walk."
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest member she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice! At least I presume she was poor, she only had $1.20 in her purse.
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.
Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt. Do you think I should change dentists?
A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said, "How can you tell them apart?" He said, "Her brother's got a mustache."