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Etiquette for a listening session?

'Sup?

Every now and then when my friends have nothing better to do, they'll acquiesce to my standing invite to come over to listen to some tunes on the main system downstairs. Over the years I've learned to choose my invites wisely, based on whether or not the invitee seems to evince any leaning towards or sympathy for audiophilia.

A few times I've been incredibly lucky and chanced upon a friend who doubles as an audiophile and we while away a happy evening and night spinning cd's and lp's and talking about the tracks and artists - and the drinks we have. We do talk, but between tracks or artists, not during. But a few times I've had people over, usually as part of a small group, who insist on talking over the track, much in the same way I constantly annoy my wife by talking during a movie.

The other weekend I invited over a couple, the husband with whom I play in a band; the wife whom I've never met. And while my wife and I and they nursed drinks and listened to tunes, his wife insisted on talking about whatever, bringing up pictures on her phone, and evincing every sign that she had never seriously considered the idea of a listening session to be something worthwhile.

Okay, I get it. It's not for everyone; analogous to if a friend who was into home theater had just gotten a new, hi-end projector had invited me over to watch a movie. Yes, I would have appreciated the clarity, etc. But it's still just a movie, no matter how much resolution there may be on a screen (actually, if there were indeed such a friend, I'd try to get into the video aspect as much as I'd like her or him to enjoy the audio, if only out of respect).

But it's also happened before, like with another (former) band member, another guitarist, who kept talking through the tracks while the rest of us tried (or pretended to try - I can only speak for myself) to listen.

So what's proper etiquette? Do I play the good host and let come what may? Do I lay down ground rules? I know that most people don't actively listen to music, nor appreciate the nuances of a good system, and usually don't care too much, either -- gearheads are gearheads, no matter the passion, and are appreciated only by other gearheads. Just as I remember, in retrospect, a few audiophiles when I was younger who obviously had good systems, but back then I neither knew nor cared about stuff like that, and so was much the same kind of person I'm complaining about now.

But how would you address that kind of behavior or reaction during a listening session?


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gdnrbob
4,444 posts
 
I find it sad that people cannot remain quite for more than a few minutes.
Even plays/concerts are interrupted by cell phones to the chagrin of the performers. Europeans tend to be more sympathetic- I remember, years ago, a live recording of the Mahler 6th by Horenstein in Stockholm, not even one cough or sneeze was to be heard. I doubt an audience could do the same at Lincoln Center.
 
As far as etiquette goes, if they behave badly, just accept the interruption with dignity, then don't invite them over again. 
onhwy61's avatar
onhwy61
5,216 posts
 
The exclusion of women is now considered civilized?

To the OP, if your guests are acting within reason, then the proper thing for the host is to make them feel comfortable, even when you are not.  For instance, if the use the wrong fork, then you use the wrong fork.  You may never invite them back, but you don't try to chide or humiliate them.
don_c55
1,025 posts
 
Today I only play my system for certain audiophile friends, that have similar musical tastes to me. Sometime these rare listening sessions go on for hours!

I tell non audiophiles my system is only for concert type listening, simulating a dimly lit club atmosphere, for two listeners only. I do not play audio, for more than one guest. A few will listen, but I have almost never converted anyone into buying into the hobby.  I have tried over the years but I have given up.

Most everyone thinks audiophiles are wackos, and to a large extent, that is true!

For everyone else, I have a home theater set up, with high end grade audio, that also plays music.

99% of my serious playback time is for me.

Almost nobody "gets" serious audio Today! Many did (including women) during the 60’s and 70’s (before the CD), but that period has passed.
jmcgrogan2's avatar
jmcgrogan2
6,346 posts
 
@bdp24 , +1, I am right there with you pal.

I am not a big socialite, but I do have gatherings and friends over from time to time. Though most of them are aware of my 'audio addiction' problem, as it is visible, I've never fired up the rig when company is over.
Mostly because when people are over it's about catching up on each others lives, not my personal obsession. The other reason would be that my wife would insist on the level being so low that turning the system on would be pointless. She likes to be able to talk comfortably and easily, which means that guests voices have to be easily heard over the music.

Who's going to notice the quality of the music in a noisy environment with the audio level around 55-60 dB? What's the point? Save the tube hours for my greedy self.

It's only when I'm alone that I can close my eyes and melt into the music, and my system becomes all worthwhile, as the rest of the world disappears.
gshepardbuster's avatar
gshepardbuster
620 posts
 
You are right don_c55, nobody gets it!  My mom who always loved music and still does was over with step dad.  She did nothing but yap and was in and out of the room after they initiated the listening.  My step dad OTOH was mesmerized!  Go figure. In a nutshell my rig is an effing time machine, a portal to another world, no drug could ever touch it, and if no one gets it I feel sorry for them cuz they're missing out!!
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