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Etiquette for a listening session?

'Sup?

Every now and then when my friends have nothing better to do, they'll acquiesce to my standing invite to come over to listen to some tunes on the main system downstairs. Over the years I've learned to choose my invites wisely, based on whether or not the invitee seems to evince any leaning towards or sympathy for audiophilia.

A few times I've been incredibly lucky and chanced upon a friend who doubles as an audiophile and we while away a happy evening and night spinning cd's and lp's and talking about the tracks and artists - and the drinks we have. We do talk, but between tracks or artists, not during. But a few times I've had people over, usually as part of a small group, who insist on talking over the track, much in the same way I constantly annoy my wife by talking during a movie.

The other weekend I invited over a couple, the husband with whom I play in a band; the wife whom I've never met. And while my wife and I and they nursed drinks and listened to tunes, his wife insisted on talking about whatever, bringing up pictures on her phone, and evincing every sign that she had never seriously considered the idea of a listening session to be something worthwhile.

Okay, I get it. It's not for everyone; analogous to if a friend who was into home theater had just gotten a new, hi-end projector had invited me over to watch a movie. Yes, I would have appreciated the clarity, etc. But it's still just a movie, no matter how much resolution there may be on a screen (actually, if there were indeed such a friend, I'd try to get into the video aspect as much as I'd like her or him to enjoy the audio, if only out of respect).

But it's also happened before, like with another (former) band member, another guitarist, who kept talking through the tracks while the rest of us tried (or pretended to try - I can only speak for myself) to listen.

So what's proper etiquette? Do I play the good host and let come what may? Do I lay down ground rules? I know that most people don't actively listen to music, nor appreciate the nuances of a good system, and usually don't care too much, either -- gearheads are gearheads, no matter the passion, and are appreciated only by other gearheads. Just as I remember, in retrospect, a few audiophiles when I was younger who obviously had good systems, but back then I neither knew nor cared about stuff like that, and so was much the same kind of person I'm complaining about now.

But how would you address that kind of behavior or reaction during a listening session?


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bdp24's avatar
bdp24
9,947 posts
 

I don’t want anyone listening with me, intently or otherwise. Is that sad? I want to become one with the music, it totally inhabiting my soul. If there is anyone else in the room (which has only a single chair anyway---for me), that’s not gonna happen. It’s kinda like that scene in the great Coen Brothers movie The Man Who Wasn’t There, where Billy Bob Thornton’s character’s attorney is talking about the theory that the act of observing something changes the nature of that thing. Listening, I mean REALLY listening, requires undistracted, focused attention; if I’m not alone, I’m distracted, just by the presence of someone else. And it trivializes the experience. Oh, it’s selfish. To me, listening to music is no different than reading a book (except that music is a much deeper experience, of course); I need complete silence to be able to read---no distractions. I sometimes put in my molded ear plugs to block out the world.

That’s the "solo" system---the video system is for guests.

vicweast's avatar
vicweast
150 posts
 
I am speechless, it's safe to invite me over.

gdnrbob
4,459 posts
 
I find it sad that people cannot remain quite for more than a few minutes.
Even plays/concerts are interrupted by cell phones to the chagrin of the performers. Europeans tend to be more sympathetic- I remember, years ago, a live recording of the Mahler 6th by Horenstein in Stockholm, not even one cough or sneeze was to be heard. I doubt an audience could do the same at Lincoln Center.
 
As far as etiquette goes, if they behave badly, just accept the interruption with dignity, then don't invite them over again. 
onhwy61's avatar
onhwy61
5,256 posts
 
The exclusion of women is now considered civilized?

To the OP, if your guests are acting within reason, then the proper thing for the host is to make them feel comfortable, even when you are not.  For instance, if the use the wrong fork, then you use the wrong fork.  You may never invite them back, but you don't try to chide or humiliate them.
don_c55
1,025 posts
 
Today I only play my system for certain audiophile friends, that have similar musical tastes to me. Sometime these rare listening sessions go on for hours!

I tell non audiophiles my system is only for concert type listening, simulating a dimly lit club atmosphere, for two listeners only. I do not play audio, for more than one guest. A few will listen, but I have almost never converted anyone into buying into the hobby.  I have tried over the years but I have given up.

Most everyone thinks audiophiles are wackos, and to a large extent, that is true!

For everyone else, I have a home theater set up, with high end grade audio, that also plays music.

99% of my serious playback time is for me.

Almost nobody "gets" serious audio Today! Many did (including women) during the 60’s and 70’s (before the CD), but that period has passed.
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