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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
tjtrout20
16 posts
 
Dean,
Your post has got a 52 year old, normally stoic man, crying at his computer this afternoon. You have received some great advice, no more from me. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I will hug my kids today. Peace
mapman's avatar
mapman
22,182 posts
 
"Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile."

Though one cannot compare ones trials and tribulations to another person's, the best I can say is that some of my favorite and most endearing music is the music that brings a tear to my eye when it strikes a chord that makes me remember a loved one, either living or deceased.

Also there have been times when I could not get myself to cue any music up for similar reasons however eventually I found the strength needed to do it and found it to be quite therapeutic in hindsight. Sometimes its like having to force yourself to take some bad tasting medicine that you know will help in the long term.

My wish for you is that you are able to tap you inner strength and perhaps your enduring inherent love of music and what you and your son shared in it to help provide the catalyst towards better days ahead as well!

"Never Blame the Rainbow for the Rain".
sounds_real_audio
1,010 posts
 
Thanks for the advice, just hugged mine today.

Perhaps you should take a break from music for a while and get involved in a new activity something that involves being with other people. Sports, cards, yoga.

Reach out any time you feel the need.

The best
Jim
azjake's avatar
azjake
285 posts
 
Dean,

As everyone else has said you have all of my prayers and wishes today!
You MUST seek out both professional and spiritual guidance in whatever way that strikes you...

Remember what made your son laugh, peeked his musical interests,challenged his musical skill,elevated his soul and make these your thoughts as you listen to those musical passages that brought you closer together!

Kudos to my extended Audiogon family today as well for showing that,in a time of need, we can all lift each other's spirits!

Peace,

Jake
isochronism
2,893 posts
 
We are glad that you shared your situation by starting this thread. A very friendly and empathetic community here. As said above and very well put, "you know myself and others are here for a phone call or email so by all means reachout". It may not make sense now, but good things do emerge from bad. Musically, I can only suggest possibly exploring something completely different. Otherwise get out, visit the forums more.. and as also suggested above, don't become a hermit :)
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