The greatest tweak ever?

riccitone.....I believe you may hear a few extra trumpets, if you follow your stated procedure.

The OP mentioned “heathens” in his monologue opening, and I’m never one to shy from that descriptive.

Do I need to wrap my house in aluminum foil so the gamma, cosmic, radio, etc waves won’t constitute an interference…?

This Australian man came up with a foolproof methodology to determine if there are sharks in the water of any beach you were about to swim in. Scientists were dumbfounded at the elegance and simplicity of his method and could not dispute its effectiveness. Want to know what it was?

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You walk up to the water. Bend down and scoop up a little of the water. Put the water to your lips and taste it. If it tastes salty, there are sharks in the water.

I believe in some humans there’s also a connection from the anus to the vocal chords.

Fill your room with Helium ... you won't believe your ears.