This “toe tapping” thing is just totally lost on me, and I guess I’m just missing it or don’t hear that way.
I hear you buddy you can not hear PRaT if your focus is on the beat that everybody else is following for proper timing. Possibly you hear everything else not supplying the beat as being one or two steps behind the beat that is being generated. Drummers are the foundation if they are off chasing something else everything is just going to fall apart but they do disguise their metronome by laying down some cymbal decay to cover their tracks and fills to punctuate what everybody else is doing to disguise it.