Why did I get married?

This should have been sorted out before you tied the knot.

My wife suggested I should spring for a $3,000 tonearm today....or spend a little more.

Phil

Obviously your pre-marriage counseling was incomplete. You failed to take her to a least five audio shows, these always are 'breakins'. Also, you did not take her to at least ten audio shops. Those visits would have proven that you are 'audio weird' and will never settle for listening at anything less then 85db. Headphones have been suggested. These will not work as she will accuse you of ignoring her any time you put them on. Sadly, you have entered into the audio version of Dante's Inferno, the hell part that is. There is no hope, except a quick divorce.

Does anyone else have a problem with the old lady constantly whining?

No.

Maybe your choice of music wasnt what she wanted to hear tonight ?

Do you ever ask her if there is something that she would like to listen to ?

I did the headphone routes. I got a very nice paid and a vCan headphone amp. Know what? I think of the electric bill savings as I can run this without my amp (tubed) being on.

You need your own enclosed room.

Whining yes, whining about my music, no. One of the things my first marriage taught me was what I could and couldn't put up with and what my spouse would need to tolerate. Football and music were 1a and 1b on that latter list. I pretty much knew I was going to marry her when I found out she loved classical music. It was good enough that she was ambivalent to football and worked weekends.
As it is you have your work cut out for you. Negotiate and bribe is about all I've got, unless you can draw her into your music somehow.