Why did I get married?

Obviously your pre-marriage counseling was incomplete. You failed to take her to a least five audio shows, these always are 'breakins'. Also, you did not take her to at least ten audio shops. Those visits would have proven that you are 'audio weird' and will never settle for listening at anything less then 85db. Headphones have been suggested. These will not work as she will accuse you of ignoring her any time you put them on. Sadly, you have entered into the audio version of Dante's Inferno, the hell part that is. There is no hope, except a quick divorce.

Does anyone else have a problem with the old lady constantly whining?

No.

Maybe your choice of music wasnt what she wanted to hear tonight ?

Do you ever ask her if there is something that she would like to listen to ?

I did the headphone routes. I got a very nice paid and a vCan headphone amp. Know what? I think of the electric bill savings as I can run this without my amp (tubed) being on.

You need your own enclosed room.

Whining yes, whining about my music, no. One of the things my first marriage taught me was what I could and couldn't put up with and what my spouse would need to tolerate. Football and music were 1a and 1b on that latter list. I pretty much knew I was going to marry her when I found out she loved classical music. It was good enough that she was ambivalent to football and worked weekends.
As it is you have your work cut out for you. Negotiate and bribe is about all I've got, unless you can draw her into your music somehow.

Your wife's complaints may be more valid than you think ... but not due to excessive SPL (Loudness)

What may be irritating her is the high frequency ringing that she can hear/perceive and you can't

Women are more sensitive to high frequency noise then men and it may be the high frequency distortion/ringing that she can hear that you can't that is driving her up the wall

"The volume has been turned down twice tonight to the point where I need to put a stethascope up to the speaker to hear it"

This would indicate that it may not be a SPL/Volume issue

"Does anyone else have a problem with the old lady constantly whining? "

My combination of NHT3.3's and 500watt D500 Phase Linear generates 92 to 96db at the listening position with peaks just over 100db and my wife can sit and listen all day long without a peep ... but the minute we turn on either one of our two TV sets which play through the TV's speakers ... the first thing out of her mouth is "Turn that noise down"

It took me awhile to put it together and then it hit me when she kept saying "Turn that noise down" that it wasn't the SPL/Loudness but some noise (high frequency distortion ) that was irritating her

My suggestion is to save the money you would spend on a Marriage Consular and invest it in a quality power conditioner, some vibration control components, and Room Acoustics

Sidenote ...

Unless you two are Die Hard motorcycle enthusiast (Bikers) I would definately refrain from using the phrase "Old Lady" with reference to her ... or else you will by pass the marriage consular phase and go directly to the Divorce lawyer phase

HTH Dave (;-)