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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
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uru975
684 posts
 
Grief counseling is there as a help. It is not meant to allow you to get over your son's loss but rather to go on living. We do not get over the loss of a loved one but we can and do learn or can be taught how to continue and go forward.
For me, after the death of my wife, it came about that even if I were to have known what was to be, I would not have missed the experience of living with her and loving her. She is still with me now after more than two decades but my life has much joy also.
The pain and sorrow were worth the time we had.
May your son's memory be in time a blessing for you
rja's avatar
rja
2,356 posts
 
Dean,
I'm very sorry for your loss. My personal feeling is in agreement with many others here, seek help from others. Do not go through this alone! I'm sure there are others who have gone through a similar situation and would be more than happy to help.

Perhaps a time will come when the music will remind you of happy memories and time shared with your son rather than sadness. I'm hoping that will happen for you.
schubert
7,386 posts
 
If it hurts don't do it.The Doc's advise on exercise is correct,it served me when my wife passed.
french_fries
815 posts
 
i work in a hospital and being really ill is another world so detached from the one outside. there is only one answer (from a secular standpoint) that i have found after witnessing a thousand recoveries and a thousand deaths- give yourself permission to enjoy your life every day. if you're healthy and able to get around you should never forget to appreciate this simple reality. i have witnessed many patients, even those with terminal illnesses, that really do get it.
your son was really special, and you were able to spend some precious moments with him.
as others have suggested, chronic depression is nothing to ignore if it continues to prevent you from embracing life and all of its gifts.
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