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My love of music is killing me.

I have been a music lover my entire life but now at age 51 I just can't listen without falling into a deep depression. My oldest son Devon inherited my love for music and took it even further. By age 25 he was a VERY talented guitar, bass player. We use to take turns playing tracks for each other just to broaden our herizons....but his gone now. I lost Devon 11-27-09 after a 6 year battle with cancer. I held his hand as he passed that night. The illness took everything but his love of music. His right cheek bone, right upper jaw bone, a rib, muscles in his abdomen and back,sight from his right eye...and finally his life....I could do nothing but watch....wishing it was me laying there going through that hell. Its been a year and a half now...his birthday will be next week. He would of been 29. Now when I listen to music I cry instead of smile. May be one day the joy will return but for now there is a hole too large to fill.

Hug your kids....Pease.
dean_fuller
rja's avatar
rja
2,356 posts
 
Dean,
I'm very sorry for your loss. My personal feeling is in agreement with many others here, seek help from others. Do not go through this alone! I'm sure there are others who have gone through a similar situation and would be more than happy to help.

Perhaps a time will come when the music will remind you of happy memories and time shared with your son rather than sadness. I'm hoping that will happen for you.
schubert
7,386 posts
 
If it hurts don't do it.The Doc's advise on exercise is correct,it served me when my wife passed.
french_fries
815 posts
 
i work in a hospital and being really ill is another world so detached from the one outside. there is only one answer (from a secular standpoint) that i have found after witnessing a thousand recoveries and a thousand deaths- give yourself permission to enjoy your life every day. if you're healthy and able to get around you should never forget to appreciate this simple reality. i have witnessed many patients, even those with terminal illnesses, that really do get it.
your son was really special, and you were able to spend some precious moments with him.
as others have suggested, chronic depression is nothing to ignore if it continues to prevent you from embracing life and all of its gifts.
dlr
201 posts
 
You definitely have my condolences. When my mom disappeared and it was becoming evident that she was probably dead, it helped to be around the living. It was suggested that I take some time off from coaching but I felt a bunch of laughing kids would make things easier, which it did. So I suggest some balance. Don't go the hermit road. Listening to my parents' favorite music still saddens me but it did help with the mourning process. So do both. JMHO and experience. Will be praying for you. Dan
orpheus10
8,668 posts
 
Too much grief can destroy what you have left, and at your age you have a lot left. When the hole is too deep, you need professional help to get out, please seek it.
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