Do you know the difference between Orlando and a cup of yogurt? The yogurt has an active culture. It is impractical to list in the concert program all the things that people shouldn't do during a classical music performance, but here in O-town, it's tempting. The admonition might read: During the concert, please refrain from coughing, sneezing, whispering, shuffling your feet, reading your program with a penlight flashlight, rustling the pages, dropping your program on the floor, making noise while retrieving it, letting your wristwatch go "beep beep" at the top of every hour, shuffling your feet, crossing your legs and hitting the seat in front of you or the person next to you with your foot, or making a minute-long ordeal out of trying to quietly unwrap the cellophane from a piece of candy during the quietest passage of the entire concert. I have witnessed all this and more here in Orlando, the cultural epicenter of the universe. But my all-time favorite episode was the one in which our little ol' mayor gal took the stage to read her pre-concert proclamation, declaring the entire week a tribute to our visiting orchestra from Russia. After presenting the conductor with the honorary keys to the city, she left the stage. Shortly thereafter, the lights dimmed and the orchestra began to play. Only then did our illustrious mayor make her way down the row to her seat (we have no center aisle), tripping over feet in the dark and excusing herself all the way as she went. When she finally found her seat and plunked down in it, she was right next to me. Throughout the entire concert, she and the gentleman seated on the other side of her, presumably her husband, exchanged comments about the performance. No wonder the number one radio station in town has a country format. Let's hear it for hillbillies tryin' to act all grown up and big city-like. Believe me, a simple cough pales in comparison.
