Etiquette for a listening session?


'Sup?

Every now and then when my friends have nothing better to do, they'll acquiesce to my standing invite to come over to listen to some tunes on the main system downstairs. Over the years I've learned to choose my invites wisely, based on whether or not the invitee seems to evince any leaning towards or sympathy for audiophilia.

A few times I've been incredibly lucky and chanced upon a friend who doubles as an audiophile and we while away a happy evening and night spinning cd's and lp's and talking about the tracks and artists - and the drinks we have. We do talk, but between tracks or artists, not during. But a few times I've had people over, usually as part of a small group, who insist on talking over the track, much in the same way I constantly annoy my wife by talking during a movie.

The other weekend I invited over a couple, the husband with whom I play in a band; the wife whom I've never met. And while my wife and I and they nursed drinks and listened to tunes, his wife insisted on talking about whatever, bringing up pictures on her phone, and evincing every sign that she had never seriously considered the idea of a listening session to be something worthwhile.

Okay, I get it. It's not for everyone; analogous to if a friend who was into home theater had just gotten a new, hi-end projector had invited me over to watch a movie. Yes, I would have appreciated the clarity, etc. But it's still just a movie, no matter how much resolution there may be on a screen (actually, if there were indeed such a friend, I'd try to get into the video aspect as much as I'd like her or him to enjoy the audio, if only out of respect).

But it's also happened before, like with another (former) band member, another guitarist, who kept talking through the tracks while the rest of us tried (or pretended to try - I can only speak for myself) to listen.

So what's proper etiquette? Do I play the good host and let come what may? Do I lay down ground rules? I know that most people don't actively listen to music, nor appreciate the nuances of a good system, and usually don't care too much, either -- gearheads are gearheads, no matter the passion, and are appreciated only by other gearheads. Just as I remember, in retrospect, a few audiophiles when I was younger who obviously had good systems, but back then I neither knew nor cared about stuff like that, and so was much the same kind of person I'm complaining about now.

But how would you address that kind of behavior or reaction during a listening session?


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I think you have to gauge the situation and the people. Don't forget that there are lots of folks who simply can't hear what you hear and so they can't be immersed in listening. Even if you sat them down, told them to be quiet and listen they won't get it because they simply can't! My taste buds aren't that great, my nose isn't either (chicken or egg - I know) so someone can talk about the undertones of this flavor or not and I say, "Pass the salt."

I've had folks over and pretty soon realize they want something else other than a "listening session" and/or can't experience what I do. It's then I remember that my Mom used to say, "Company is always right."

It doesn't take long to figure out where they are. I've had some other folks over (particularly young folks - college age) and they were like, "Wow! I can't believe this!" When you get that reaction you know they have ears and are ready to listen and you can point out stuff to listen to or you can just listen. 
There are no written rules when it comes to etiquette during a listening session but they are implied and common sense does apply here. If you invite non audiophiles over, find out what kind of music they enjoy and mix it up with yours, expect to keep the volume low enough to converse. Example Caroline (non-audiophile) was kind enough to listen quietly to a the whole cd before making any comment because she knew I was seeking an opinion. Her response was, your system sounds good but I don't know what to listen for, I rest my case. However when I went to Dwayne's house to hear his new speakers, my wife and I didn't  say a word until he was done demonstrating them then I gave my opinion. No I don't think that audiophiles are wacked but they are passionate about their hobby and everyone knows that people that have no interest in any hobbies are boring people. By the way, listening alone is not a bad thing because who would know better what sound you seek then yourself but sometimes getting others opinions can be fun especially if they are audiophiles.
jmc, I love you! I was slightly exaggerating to make my point; I will of course have another person in my music room to play something for---a person I know, or even think, will appreciate the greatness of. Usually another musician, or at least musically appreciative sort. I remember playing "Oh Marcella", a Brian Wilson song on The Beach Boys Carl & The Passions album, for a great songwriter I knew (R.I.P.). The chords and melody are so majestic, I just had to make sure he heard it. And the superior sound provided by a high end system is just the way to make great music more effortlessly appreciated, a means to an end. That’s why I don’t like to think of Hi-Fi as a "hobby". That’s like calling breathing a hobby. Wait, where are you going? ;-). No music, no life.
I have expienced this many times its no different when your a musician and want to jam . I do have a ht room if i have company i keep it dark and loud lol .. Im fortunate enough to have a dedicated 2:1 setup in a separate room . My wife knows when im in there its my batcave I rarely fire up the tubes with company unless there is another music nut , we close the door and spin music .. Generally pretty healthy volume shakes off the uninterested 
I tend to do what my guests enjoy when I entertain, and mostly they want to have conversations. 

Regarding the rules of behavior, I think most would lean toward being a gracious host and putting your guest's wishes before your own.

I generally listen to music alone.