Why not objectivist music reviews?

Max, that guitarist would score exceptionally high, with excellent NPS, MPM, and LOL. I just need to create the software that allows me to make proper measurements and then we will all know who the greatest guitarists are. I love science! 

Then there's this old gag:
A company chairman was given a ticket for a performance of Schubert's "Unfinished Symphony." Since he was unable to go, he passed the invitation to the company's Quality Assurance Manager. The next morning, the chairman asked him how he enjoyed it, and, instead of a few plausible observations, he was handed a memorandum which read as follows;

For a considerable period, the oboe players had nothing to do. Their number should be reduced, and their work spread over the whole orchestra, thus avoiding peaks of inactivity.

All twelve violins were playing identical notes. This seems unnecessary duplication, and the staff of this section should be drastically cut. If a large volume of sound is really required, this could be obtained through the use of an amplifier.

Much effort was involved in playing the demi-semiquavers. This seems an excessive refinement, and it is recommended that all notes should be rounded up to the nearest semiquaver. If this were done, it would be possible to use trainees instead of craftsmen.

No useful purpose is served by repeating with horns the passage that has already been handled by the strings. If all such redundant passages were eliminated, the concert could be reduced from two hours to twenty minutes.

In light of the above, one can only conclude that had Schubert given attention to these matters, he probably would have had the time to finish his symphony.

Cleeds lol that's new to me 😆

You have to be kidding me. The entire premise of this is so ridiculous,I will not bother to address anything beyond number one. As Kenny Wayne Shepherd learned when doing 10 days out; the blues masters he met with all played at a very slow pace but they hit all the right notes. It really influenced his playing going forward. Listen to Muddy Waters, Buddy Guy or Howling Wolf, they weren’t shredding their guitars but every note counted and had an impact. Speed might or might not be an indicator of instrument proficiency but not musical ability.