'realize it's leaning hard toward a sickness'
Definitely, you really need help as I have heard that its a serious compulsive disorder. Maybe a year of therapy would help, good thing is that you will be spending what spare cash you have on therapy and not acquiring more gear. This condition can be quite financially debilitating, as well as the stress in hiding all your new acquisition from close family members, especially if you have a wife 😨
When you have found a solution and a good therapist please let me know .. maybe then I can be saved before its too late 🙄