Thank you all for your considered and polite input.
I thought that I would provide some additional input so that each of you could understand my struggles.
I am a 65 year old professor who loves to attend live (mostly rock) concerts. My wife of 28 years is 1 year younger. When we have compared notes, we have realized that back in the late 1960's and thereafter we had (independently) attended the same concerts. She and I like the same music. My 21 year old daughter also likes our music but, of course, she has her own music as well.
We have a Bryston (separates) and JM Labs (Focal) system that we put into the house about 23 years ago. Due to the birth of our daughter and a couple of terriers, we basically stopped listening to the system. In addition, the system at our current age sounds too bright and harsh in the mid to high frequencies. So we have decided to trade in/sell the system.
So, as you all are aware, today there is a dearth of dealers where you can listen and demo equipment. And if you can find one, they have only limited equipment to demo. And even if you can find one who has a lot to listen to, they write you off if you have too many questions.
So I started down the rabbit (black) hole of internet research. Reviews,etc. I tried to start with the speakers. Then went to integrated amps. I had tentatively settled on Mcintosh's ma 8950. Autoformers, 200 wpc, Dac 2, tone controls, etc. But I got to listen to the Hegel H190 and H390 which I though were very smooth and neutral--but no sound controls and, in the case of the H390, no headphone jack/amp. The headphones are a must.
So, I am getting very depressed at the process. But here are my current thoughts as to possibilities.
Power: Hegel or Mac (my wife and I love the blue meters)--integrated but could go to separates (possibly with a tube pre (C22 or C2700) and SS power (mc2700) Mcintosh).
Speakers: Revel F208
Monitor Audio (have not heard)
Kef R3 or Reference 1
Vandersteen (have not heard and may be too wide)
Wilson SabrinaX
Paradigm Persona B
Maggies--I don't like
Aerial Acoustics (have not heard but like their story)
Harbeth, Spendor and Proac (have not heard and do not know what the "British sound" is like)
Don't like Klisch, Focal, B&W or almost all JBL's
If my wife would permit, I would get the ma8950 and the SabrinaX and a Roon Nucleus and put it all in the living room (23' X 19') and be done. But that is not an inexpensive system and since the living room is in the center of the house and, due to COVID, we both work from home at least 5 days a week, we may not be able to play it very loud.
Here is a YouTube link to a live performance that we recently discovered. (You all are probably familiar with it but what can I tell you, we just discovered this artist). If you listen to it from 2:45 on (after his intro), you will get an idea of what we are looking for--mostly smooth, melodic, loud electric with good guitar details, good drum snaps and lots of echo and digital delay effects especially on the vocals. We are looking to create that through our new system with a large soundstage.
I know that this is a lot of information but any input is welcome and will help to take me out of my paralysis by analysis mode and lift my spirits immeasurably.. Thank you very much.