This question has been raised so many times here, but this thread is, IMO, the richest discussion of it yet. All the key issues are here: that musicians often don't give a damn about audio equipment; that our systems inspire delight even when they're not playing anything; even irritation with the word "hobby" to describe audiophilia.
To me, the test of one's true love is provided by the reason for the music one chooses to play. Do you most enjoy great music, whatever your musical tastes may be, or do you defer to great recordings? If you're a "classical" fan, do you choose a performance that gets everything right, or a great recording of a lesser performance that provides a more convincing simulacrum of being present to the Real Thing?
Again speaking for myself (as we are all doing even if our posts claim to be speaking The Truth), there are times when the love of music drives my choices, and others when it's the love of my system that I'm looking to bask in. Experience with playing music perhaps provides a window onto this dilemma. I can certainly relate to edcyn's recollection that, as a kid, he loved his records and hated his piano lessons in equal measure! I still play my guitar a bit, and I've learned cello; my wife is a pianist, my daughter a violinist, and the happiest years of my life were when we all played together. But, frankly, playing an instrument is HARD, and practicing is boring, even painful if you're out of shape for it. So I've reconciled myself to playing music as being analogous to making wine: I do them both, but it's really only because I love listening to music and drinking wine. Deeper involvement in the process is a way of enhancing that enjoyment.
hilde45's comparison with food is telling, while we're on that tangent. Surely, eating is enjoyable not only because it promotes health. Indeed, the most enjoyable eating is all too often inimical to good health. The means/ends distinction, as he points out, doesn't apply here in a straightforward way: our systems are not merely means to the end of hearing the music, they are also ends in themselves.
The OP expressed dismay at having lost the "superpower" of just enjoying the music without obsessing over the fine points of one's system's SQ. Yes, that can be a risk here, we all know it. But "unbecoming an audiophile" (brilliant title, by the way) is not the only solution. Obsession is good; embrace it! If it distracts you from enjoying the music, yes, that can be a problem, but one that hilde45's observation points the way to resolving. Foodies are obsessive, too, but I'm grateful for that: it's what brings truly exquisite fare to the table. Same with our audiophilia. Don't let your attention to minutiae ruin your enjoyment; dial those details in as best you can, and then return to the music with a connoisseur's refined regard.