Speakers will by far be the defining sound of your system. Sure, upstream electronics will make a difference and they need to match well, but by and large, speakers are what make a system sound the way it does. It sounds to me you like the idea of your speakers more than you like the actuality of them. I'm a Vandersteen guy and would strongly recommend something in their line as I think they can give you the "in the room" experience that you're looking for. I'd recommend some new model 2s or maybe some used treo or quatros.
What I'd really recommend tho, is seeing what dealers near you have to listen to. It might be that you need to drive some hours to hear all these options, but go listen. Find what sounds good to you. Once you've done that, you can decide what the best electronics are and it might be that you need to take some time to figure that out. For instance, I just now got some new amps that have improved staging and depth and clarity. This is after spending the last 3 years looking for the right preamp and getting that right a a few months ago. Neither the amps nor the preamp fundamentally changed the sound of my speakers though.
Ultimately what I'm saying is you'll get some ideas of what you might like here but before you spend 6k, go listen.