Thanks Zakesman. Well guys, today was another day of chemo. I suspect this will be as uneventful as the others although I'm not feeling well at all. Barb and I both went to our audio club meeting and ate out prior. Whatever I had didn't agree with me and has carried over into today. Of course, it would help to have a normal stomach! Frankenbelly sometimes misbehaves. The Portland area has its own unique style of food preparation and I hope I can enjoy it fully later this week.
I asked the hard question of my doctor today. That being, "How long on average does the Taxol work?" I was a little bit rocked by his answer of a couple of months since todays treatment marked the two month use of it. Oh well. I'm scheduled for a CT scan next week while Paul is here so we'll see if I can just forgoe treatment until symptoms return. That would work for me. While I feel pretty darn good it is getting old being fatigued all of the time. Maybe without treatments I'll regain some of my vitality. Of course, without treatment the cancer will grow and it uses a lot of calories doing that. Fatigue is an issue for anyone with active malignancy. The doctor thinks there are other drugs we can use after the Taxol. Hmmm. My guess is that the other options might be brutal in comparison. No sense in worrying about it until the time comes.
Since I've committed to upgrading my cartridge I need to do this in a reasonable time. The acoustic treatments need to get done soon also. Steve and I are going to be working on a bi-fold door project at the entrance to the music room. We believe the benefits of doing this will allow the equipment and the room to work together as they should giving me the depth and layering I long for. It's good the way it is but since it can be better, why not?
The Benedryl and the steroids they give me to combat Taxol side effects makes me pretty ripped. Forgive me if this post isn't all that understandable. I have one drug pumping through my veins that wants to put me asleep and another that pumps me up. They are competing with each other and it makes my thoughts go on the dark side. I am concerned about the next drugs that'll be tried. I've got to do this because of two things. One, I must live until at least September. I had elected to double my life insurance when that option came available and it takes effect at the end of that month. Two, I've already done three different drugs now and see no reason to stop trying now. I jokingly mentioned during dinner that I was selecting music for some kind of service in rememberance of me. Barb was glad I was doing so but the look she cast upon me while the tears ran down her cheeks was hard to take. I'd take getting kicked around hard by the meds just to give her some more time to enjoy old Lugnut but the thought that a brutal dose of chemo might not allow me to be enjoyable hurts to contemplate. I know I'm worrying about stuff that hasn't happened. My question to myself is how do I balance the reality of feeling good for now with the necessity of dealing with the enevitable. I cannot allow myself to lose my character. Considering the possibilities of what comes next is a must for me. It's the only way I can keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. I hate it.
I'll be okay. As I said some of this dark stuff is the result of the drugs. Life IS good and today is meant to be enjoyed after I take a nap. Thanks for being there for me.
I asked the hard question of my doctor today. That being, "How long on average does the Taxol work?" I was a little bit rocked by his answer of a couple of months since todays treatment marked the two month use of it. Oh well. I'm scheduled for a CT scan next week while Paul is here so we'll see if I can just forgoe treatment until symptoms return. That would work for me. While I feel pretty darn good it is getting old being fatigued all of the time. Maybe without treatments I'll regain some of my vitality. Of course, without treatment the cancer will grow and it uses a lot of calories doing that. Fatigue is an issue for anyone with active malignancy. The doctor thinks there are other drugs we can use after the Taxol. Hmmm. My guess is that the other options might be brutal in comparison. No sense in worrying about it until the time comes.
Since I've committed to upgrading my cartridge I need to do this in a reasonable time. The acoustic treatments need to get done soon also. Steve and I are going to be working on a bi-fold door project at the entrance to the music room. We believe the benefits of doing this will allow the equipment and the room to work together as they should giving me the depth and layering I long for. It's good the way it is but since it can be better, why not?
The Benedryl and the steroids they give me to combat Taxol side effects makes me pretty ripped. Forgive me if this post isn't all that understandable. I have one drug pumping through my veins that wants to put me asleep and another that pumps me up. They are competing with each other and it makes my thoughts go on the dark side. I am concerned about the next drugs that'll be tried. I've got to do this because of two things. One, I must live until at least September. I had elected to double my life insurance when that option came available and it takes effect at the end of that month. Two, I've already done three different drugs now and see no reason to stop trying now. I jokingly mentioned during dinner that I was selecting music for some kind of service in rememberance of me. Barb was glad I was doing so but the look she cast upon me while the tears ran down her cheeks was hard to take. I'd take getting kicked around hard by the meds just to give her some more time to enjoy old Lugnut but the thought that a brutal dose of chemo might not allow me to be enjoyable hurts to contemplate. I know I'm worrying about stuff that hasn't happened. My question to myself is how do I balance the reality of feeling good for now with the necessity of dealing with the enevitable. I cannot allow myself to lose my character. Considering the possibilities of what comes next is a must for me. It's the only way I can keep my feet planted firmly on the ground. I hate it.
I'll be okay. As I said some of this dark stuff is the result of the drugs. Life IS good and today is meant to be enjoyed after I take a nap. Thanks for being there for me.