"Pre-loaded" implies to me that there is a load on the cantilever independent of the stylus being played in the groove.
Sorry. By "pre-loaded" I mean that A/S devices pressure the cantilever against the suspension as soon as the stylus locks into a groove. I could have called this "loading" rather than "pre-loading"
It seems to me that there is no load on the cantilever until it hits the groove.
Agreed.
If the record is not spinning, with no anti skating force, the load is only vertical if the stylus is in
the groove.
Correct.
You write: The pre-loaded force is "pressuring it (the cantilever) against the elastic suspension reducing its freedom to respond to groove transients." My question is: Isn't this exactly what skating force does if you don't apply anti-skating force? It seems to me that skating force is also "pressuring it against the elastic suspension reducing its freedom to respond to groove transients."
Skating forces do load the cantilever against the suspension but anti-skating devices do not counteract that loading, they actually increase it.
Imagine that your hands are very small. Grab the STYLUS with your L hand and pull it toward the record center. That's skating and yes, you can feel the squidginess of the suspension being compressed by the far end of the cantilever as you tug.
Now grab the TONEARM with your R hand and pull it away from the record center. That's anti-skating. If the stylus is locked into a groove you'll feel a similar squidginess as the cantilever compresses the suspension.
Now pull simultaneously with both hands (which represents playing a record with A/S engaged). If you pull equally hard with each hand the pressure you apply to the suspension is doubled. It's that much closer to "bottoming out".
While you have these tiny hands, try shifting your R hand to the stylus and pulling it outward just as your L hand is pulling it inward. What happens to the cantilever/suspension interface ? Nothing! No squidginess. The two forces are now aligned and precisely oppose each other. That's how a perfect anti-skating device would work. It would negate skating forces without effecting cantilever freedom.
Of course nobody has built such a device and it's unlikely anyone ever will. The compromises necessitated by real-world design considerations mean that A/S devices pull on the tonearm while skating forces pull on the stylus. Result: increased dampening of the cantilever (squidginess).
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As to what you hear in your system vs. what we hear in ours, every system differs and the listener's ears must be the judge, as we both keep saying. Your cartridge, tonearm and electronics are quite different to ours. It's no surprise they act differently with regard to A/S.