I can surely dig thinking there are things in this world for which there is no forgiveness. Been there and done that.
Today I know how good it is to forgive someone, too. Knowing them both, Ill choose the latter every time. Eventually.
But, it's my axe! Ill grind it if I want to in the interim!
it took me decades to forgive two people in my life. What came from those moments following my forgiveness of their actions, was in a word, ineffable.
There is one group of people who seemingly lead detestable and despicable lives and infuse copious amounts of chemicals into their bodies. They dcan stop and later restart, almost at will. While imbibing, they can be quite revolting. When they are not, they can be as saints. These are not the addicts I speak of here. They merely live life hard! Drink & drug a lot. Those folks can do turn arounds almost at will from time to time, for they do not suffer from the disease of addiction. Its hard to separate those two from each other to the untrained eye.
Addicts will be the same wet or dry.
Will rogers said once, There are only 3 different kinds of people in this world. The sort that learn from books, the kind that learn from others experiences, and then there are those who just have to pee on the electric fence from time to time.
Ever pee on an electric fence? If so you know what thats all about. If not.. youve no true idea.
Addicts keep peeing on the fence.
Stupid huh?
Nope. Its the insanity which accompanies their complicated disease.
As I said above, there are those sorts who are going to find they are simply incapable of identifying with others, in part or in whole. There are those too who as the result of their own ill concieved, or preconceptions or even prejudices, that either can not or will not separate the behavior of the sickness from the sick person. Consequently there will be a bar to better relations between them.
Red Fox used to do a comedy stand up act. Red could be quite vulgar. Once in a while someone might say something about it during his act. One way he replied in a recording of a live act was this
If you have never cussed, Ill invite you out to the parking lot to visit me at my car. Ill open the drivers side door and well place your right hand just on the door jam itself and Ill slam it shut!
Ill bet youll say words you could only imagine! You might even make some up!
It takes what it takes , for people to truly appreciate a thing
Until I walk in anothers shoes
. Lead their life
experience the depth and breadth of their minds, hearts, and emotions
. Im only able to conjecture &
theorize
. Assume
and imagine. I wont ever really truly know how bad it is or how dreadful it can be to have exactly their experience. Ever.
I know literally dozens and dozens of people possibly into the hundreds, both nationally and internationally that have endured and recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of mind and body. People from all races, ages, sexes, economic levels professions, etc. Not all of them were addicts or alkies
most however are. Some were inundated with differing medical catastrophies. Quite severe in fact. Ive been in and around people in recovery and out of it for decades. Over thirty years. Consequently Ive some knowledge on this topic
. Although Im no expert.
I keep an open mind as much as is possible with respect to any topical aside. Closing ones mind to new things is the fastest way to ignorance. I know nobody yet who for a fact knows everything, from both sides 100%.
You can watch your neighbors affect their homes and lanscapes. Youll see either its maintainence or its neglect. Youll see the changes that happen all about it that are visible.
You wont feel the anxiety that came with borrowing the money to resod the lawn. You wont feel the pain of repaying the loan. You wont feel the ache in the neighbors joints after theyve refinished and repainted the house. You wont feel the scrapes and cuts they got while laying in a new watering system. You won;t feel the distance that came between the husband and wife as each one chose different priorities and were divided by them.
See
?? you get only a little bit of their deal. An insignificant amount with which to truly judge someone else
for if Im unable to understand
only ignorance and inappropriate judgements can stem from being ill informed
. No matter how close to the situation they are.
Its like audio a lot
. We try repeatedly to tell another our own ideas of how something sounds
IMHO
. Thats the best well ever be able to do. Some of us have a similar ear. We like the same genres, and hear similarly much of the audio content being produced and a still greater kinship is developed amongst such fellows.
But until and unless we can crawl right into another persons body, and get just what they are getting
its all assumptions and imaginations. Nothing more,
Ive hesitated to say this openly for years, but maybe itll serve to illustrate my point better.
When I was 9 years old I had to use a rifle to make my alcoholic father quit abusing my mother, and me. At gun point I made him leave
for good, and for all. In my mind this was the necessary action I had to take.
. I had tried over and over various ways to make him quit abusing us both, and stop his drinking. 3 times in as many weeks found me at a neighbors house urgently calling the authorities to come and bring some peace back into our home. They kept coming.. and going
and he kept doing what he did. The authorities were of little help. Actually they were, but not the right kind of help.
The fourth time he was abusing my mom I ignored her pleas to get the cops and instead, went to the closet and took out the only tool in the house I felt was needed. I was scared to death, but only briefly. I loaded the rifle lifted the safety and walked into the room they were in just as dear old Dad was regaining consciousness.
It wasnt my power that made him leave right then. You could say it was a much greater power. A Higher power maybe. Maybe it was God! Maybe it was the power of Mr. Winchester. Maybe it was all of them put together.. He did in fact leave. He never returned. Ever.
His issues with drink and drugs werent brought to a halt that long ago, dismal wintery night
His abuse was however.
At the request of my mother, 16 years later I did see him
in another town, under different circumstances. My hatred for him remained. My inability to understand or to forgive was in full force. I reiterated to him my last words he had heard as though they were brand new. I reproved it by showing him the SW model 29 .357 magbnum I had under my jacket. Following that instance I never saw him again. He died about 10 years later in a hospital in Ohio from the results of his sickness.
I knew he was dying. But opted not to attend his funeral, or even to visit him before he left.
All of that remorse, shame, guilt, resentment and hatred should have been stopped the moment I made him go away. It didnt though. I carried it inside of me for I was unable to forgive him. That account was settled about twenty years ago or so and long after his demise.
I finally found out we all have choices in life to live as freely as we are able to do. Forgiveness is one of the most benevolent and inspirational tools we might have that lessens the burdens of loathing and misinterpretation, we carry along from day to day. Since that time I try to move along as streamlined as I am able. Carrying as little baggage as I can. For me now, these are choices.
Everybody, everywhere, is doing the very best they can with what they have to do it with. Always.
Stopping drinking and drugging was not a choice he ever saw, I dont think. He was forced to carry on to the bitter ends and allowed his sickness to win the war that raged inside of him. That was the best he could do.
Addicts dont have the luxury of choice. They become human doings, rather than remain human beings. Theyve stripped themselves of valuable spiritual principles
. Like dignity. Discipline. Honesty. Accountability. Responsibility. Tolerance. umility. Charity. Altruism. Forgiveness. Love. And so many others. They wind up as empty shells.
If such people are not really sick, insane, incapable of making good choices for themselves
. Im entirely clueless on what it takes for a person to be thought of as sick.
Alcoholism, and drug addiction, (different words for the same condition), is not something everyone will understand or even be affected by in some way. Only the addicts will ever really and truly understand
. If they somehow gain a solid foundation on some pathway to recovery they will understand a lot more about it.
Recovered people abound. Theyre everywhere. Doing all sorts of great things. The music we listen to is filled with evidence of their own changes and in short order, some brief segments on what both sides of their roads looked like. Going into and coming out of the grips of their inability to choose? Nope. From their lack of moral fiber? Nope. Nope, not any of those singular things
from being sick
insane
and without freedom to choose properly for themselves..
Or so I understand it from those hundreds of people I now know. In more than a few cases, I know them quite intimately.
Round trip tickets to Hell and back come with heavy dues
. The costs are a life as one knows it, and a dispensation of Grace they neither can adequately describe, or feel they deserve.
Its not what I know or dont know that puts me in harms way. No, most often it is what I know, that just aint so that troubles me regularly.
