The best audiophile "gag" gift for X-Mas


My dear friend and fellow audiophile bought for me the remarkable, " Intelligent Chip CD Upgrade Device", from Machina Dynamica for my X-Mas present. Well, we all gathered around the sweet spot in front of the old high-end system, put in the demo CD in the transport, put the, " Intelligent Chip" on top of the transport for the recommended 2 to 3 seconds, and absolutely NOTHING happened regarding the sonics in any way! But, boy did we all crack up and had the best laugh on X-Mas day. Now, we had 9 more upgrades left in the, "Intelligent Chip", so if first you don't succeed try, try again. We did and again NOTHING happened except more howls of laughter and good cheer. Well, we decided that the, "Intelligent Chip", was adding as much improvement to the sonics of the system as (Un)Intelligent Design Theory is adding to the scientific explanation of the development/diversity of life on our planet. Both, are just a bunch of .... you fill in the blank, but for the $16.00 the dumb chip cost it was the best gag gift I have ever recieved on X-Mas.
teajay
Hey Nate and Teajay - either of you want to take a leap-of-faith and test out my CD Scratch removing device?! I don't think "intelligence" had anything to do with its design, but if you believe in miracles maybe one of you can get it to work better than me. Maybe if we bring the two products together, you know, put the Machina Dynamica Intelligent Chip on top of the CD cleaning device, there may be some divine synergy and the second coming may ensue, and there'd be fish and bread for everyone. Whady'a say TJ, send on your address and I'll send this plastic clamshell piece of crap on to you for testing and you can gather your same friends together and report on the results. Or perhaps we'll all see them on the nightly News!

Marco
Marco, I respectfully decline your offer to field test your piece of crap, however, there has been a major development in possible "divine intervention" regarding the "Intelligent Chip" in the last 48 hours!!!

There were 8 treatments left on the chip. The chip was still a TOTAL and dismal failure in effecting the sonics in my system but we decided to
courageously "scientifically" test the possible benefits of the chip for "medical" purposes.

We had one friend with a chronic backache who put the chip on top of his sore back for a total of 4 seconds and reported a dramatic decrease in pain and soreness that had plagued him for the last two weeks!

Another individual who needed to use reading glasses put the chip on each eye for a total of 2 seconds and reported clear vision and discarded his reading glasses!

Finally, an individual who rigorously tested for his IQ score by professional psychologists, in which his overall IQ score before the chip was 110, put the chip on three different locations on his skull for a total of 4 seconds on each spot. After the treatment with the chip, he was retested and his IQ score had risen to 140!!!

The scientific community has been informed of these remarkable results and is up in arms regarding the validity and cause of these "measured" positive changes caused by the application of the "Intelligent Chip..." I will keep all Audiogon members abreast of "further developments" regarding the "healing properties" of this incredible chip as the "research" continues...
Teajay---I think the problem with comparing scientific method and the Bible is perspective. If you believe the Bible is the Word of God, then you judge the scientific findings by what God says. Science is always changing their hypotheses and conclusions-God's word does not change, sometimes our interpretations do. Also many things in the Bible were right long before science figured them out. Earth is round(Isaiah 40) hundreds of years BC. Life is in the blood( can't remember). Historically, you can't find a more reliable source. Just a thought. Have a happy new year. Dan
aaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! can't we stop talking about Geoff and his bu!!$$hit products. I guess not. Well here you go then:
You gotta believe in something

"I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing."

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
The above could just as easily be re-phrased - for example ...

"I refuse to prove that my cables will make your system sound better", says the snake oil vendor, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, you will hear nothing."

The tenets of faith are an absolute requirement for many of the claims that are made for many (probably most) of the "esoteric" hi-fi additions that you will find everywhere on the web. There is no real information, technical, scientific or otherwise, and the only terms you will hear will be of a subjective nature - for example "solid, sparkling, sweet, musical" will be contrasted with "muffled, veiled, grainy, harsh" - the very selection of the words is designed to sway you to their position, preferably subconsciously.

The marketing is often very subtle, extremely persuasive, and there is no confusing techno-talk in there to confuse the non technical reader. While it may seem like Nirvana, the claims are nearly all completely false.

Faith (in the religious sense) is based on the premise that faith is God's proof that God's existence is truth and does not rely on facts. Indeed, if facts were available, then faith is not required - so in a sense, faith can be seen to be based on an absence of evidence - a fiction.

Believers may also qualify faith as either representing truth or they will represent it as being above and beyond our understanding. Truth becomes a consequence of faith which is the believer's recognition of the absence of evidence. Truth is therefore defined according to a circular perception.

I am not about to dispute the religious beliefs of anyone - these are sacrosanct, and belong to the individual alone. When the same arguments are used for audio, this is a different matter. Audio (unlike religious beliefs) is based on science. Without the efforts of scientific work and studies over many years by a great many people, we would not have audio as we know it. Now, we have charlatans and thieves claiming that science is ruining audio, and that we have to get back to the basics to enable real enjoyment.

You need, nay! must have! the latest shiny rock on top of your CD player, lest the sound be harsh, grainy, and lacking bass authority, and without the latest cables at only US$200 per foot, you are missing out on half of the music. But ... you must believe, for the magic will surely be dissipated instantly should you attempt even the most rudimentary scientific test, or even request any technical information.
Now here is a fun gag gift:
Control-Freak

Just keep this thing away from Marco. Who even knows what he could do with it! Im thinking natural disaster of epic proportion.