Bizango1, congratulations on attending your first live orchestral performance. Your reaction to it is not unusual. But, I would encourage you to look at (hear) this first experience from a different perspective:
*****My wife said it wasn't loud enough and I agreed. The highs were rolled off and there wasn't an expansive soundstage. I couldn't "hear behind the instruments" like I can at home on the hifi. The soloist sounded small and far away and the bass drum lacked definition****
I have no doubt that this is what you heard. But, I would suggest that the
truth is that at home you listen at levels that are louder than live (obviously), and that the highs of your audio system are tipped up. As far as soundstage goes, there are too many variables as far as where you were sitting to make a valid comparison.
Why is all this important? This is not about being a purist. I notice that all your comments were about the sound, and none about the music.
Nothing wrong with that; we all love ear candy. But, I would encourage you to remember that composers compose with the sound of an orchestra
playing in a concert hall in mind. Not with a larger than life bass drum or tipped up highs. The music takes a different (and deeper) meaning when heard with instrumental balances and placement as the composer intended them. An analogy:
Have you ever gone to a restaurant and ordered the "smoked" ribs, only to discover that the kitchen had goosed the flavor with artificial "smoke"
flavoring. The flavor then becomes cloying and over the top, devoid of the
nuance and subtlety of the various spices and hickory? Same thing with
live vs. your hifi. I am certain that if you felt that the highs were rolled off in the concert hall, when you listen to the "William Tell Overture" at home the piccolo is too prominent, and is probably overpowering the clarinets. Likewise, even though you felt that the overall sound was not loud enough, I assure you that the difference between the softest and the loudest moments of the Dvorak symphony was much greater than when heard at home; that gives it much more emotional impact.
I strongly encourage you continue supporting your local symphony, and to go to the concerts with less of an audiophile head. I think that in short order you will find that the rewards are much greater that way.