stanwal and colleagues --
I enjoy and learn from the audio blogs, but seldom
post. However, your earnest revelation
of being kicked out of the house and recurrent blog posts about cohabitation problems
induced by audio products leads me to offer the following lessons learned.
At the risk of sounding preachy, I offer the following
advice as a man married to the same woman for over 46 years. Regarding purchases, full prior mutual
disclosure is the best policy. Over
the years, my passion for vintage baseball cards, music recordings, and audio equipment
has been a source of pleasure and guilt. I rationalized my covert spending splendidly, on the premise that I was
entitled. I also kept a mental inventory
of her (ahem!) frivolous purchases. I
stashed cash and acquired cashier's checks, and orchestrated shipment
deliveries, so my wife (who has always managed our joint accounts)
"wouldn't know".
Well, guess what? As
a person of intellect and high sensory capability, she knew. About 20 years ago, as we began to seriously
plan our future "life priorities" bucket list that included
activities, items, and finances as a
couple, we came to the realization that it was stupid to conceal, mask, or confess
after-the-fact purchases. Since then, we
talk to each other before making major purchases. Admittedly, I don't necessarily understand
why she needs more jewelry, high-end hand bags (which I mistakenly call
purses), or clothes. But then, she
doesn't truly comprehend why I need a new amplifier, speaker, headphone, or set
of cables. And the truth is it
doesn't make much sense to belabor the
merits of these material items.
Invariably the conversation ends with "Go for it!",
"Let's hold off on it!", or "Is this more important than [fill
in the blank]?"
In the end, mutual full disclosure -- in advance -- seems like the
"adult" thing to. Plus, I can
truly enjoy my new Golden Ear Triton One loudspeakers when they are drop
shipped on my front porch. I still have
to carry the 85 pounders by myself up a flight of 15 stairs to my music listening and memorabilia room, but I don't wrestle with guilt or a loss of trust, or have to spend energy
concocting why these two humungous boxes on pallets are blocking our front
door. Peace!