Which component to upgrade 1st ?

Agree with addressing your digital source first. Not sure I follow how changing from a very good preamp to another preamp is going to address the "ear hurt" that the Node will be feeding it

The ear hurt is most likely most due to his speakers. Have any of your heard this speaker? A difficult load for tubes and therein may be part of the problem.

thanks @facten  and @audition-audio  

@audition__audio Her speakers are indeed a challenge to tubes. Likely in a perfect world the Ref150 would be a better choice. Warmth is something I've always preferred hence tubes. My preamp is good but is a hybrid, and I've had the opportunity to compare hybrid vs tube. Big difference, and big price jump. So it is a piece that has long been on the wishlist, just waiting for tons of extra money at my discretion. Like most of us.

I'll put in a counterpoint for consideration. Consider isolation, power cords and interconnects. Depending on what you have and when the last time was that you truly evaluated these elements, it may be the biggest upgrade and change you will experience. Good mechanics is essential (as well has room acoustics) to optimizing your listening experience.

For example, I just upgraded my rack and turntable isolation to Core Audio and Minus K from Finite Elemente and Stillpoints Ultras. Earth shattering change. I'm serious--way beyond what I expected. And I expected a lot (even with a system that was pretty darn good going into it).

Give it some thought.

You've got to make spending count.  Must be a case for choosing between analogue and digital sources.  Why spend money on two competing systems?

Meanwhile some are putting money into power cords instead of active components.