About Lugnut -- Patrick Malone

Hi Pat and everyone,

A ride in a WWII warbird? That's great. I've always wanted to go up in a warbird. What a great Father's Day present!

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling well, Pat. Maybe it's time to heed the doctor's call to a grazing approach. Whatever it is or whatever it takes, I hope you find a solution so you feel better again soon.

I apologize that I've been AWOL. A planned 2 week stay in Detroit turned into a 3 week stay, and upon return to Delaware I was just beat ... slept most of the past 2 days.

Looks like we'll be moving to Michigan -- I've accepted an offer from a small but extremely talented and upcoming firm there. Lis and I will drive there shortly after the 4th. She'll house-hunt while I work, and hopefully we'll find a suitable house and conclude a purchase agreement within 2 or 3 weeks. Then Lis will fly back and begin packing, and I'll fly back a couple days before the big move to pack the really important stuff -- you all know what that is! I'll now turn to the backlog of AI inquiries and orders, and get those out in the next day or two. Sorry for the delay and thanks for your patience.

Pat, again, I hope you find a solution to your current discomfort. As always, my prayers are with you, Barb, Amanda and Scott. Hang in there, buddy.

Warmest regards,
Paul

Thanks for the well wishing from everyone. And Paul, I knew you'd fit right in with the new firm. I do hope that Lis looks for a house with a dedicated listening room for you.

My world has been a little rocked by this particular visit with my doctor. The short story is that I have another CT scan tomorrow mid-day which will confirm what I already know. I know that the cancer is active in my stomach and that since the lining of my abdominal cavity also suffers from involvement I have a fluid build-up beginning in there as well. I can tell that my liver is sensitive and my lung capacity is diminished too. Today's scheduled chemo was canceled. About the only good news is that when I complained about forgetting words, which is happening with increased frequency, the doc said that is a normal chemo side effect from prolonged use. I guess I'm not losing my mind after all!

I must have said something to the doctor which prompted him to have the counselor come in to visit with us. Actually, I know what I said to him. I had requested a particular drug but probably wanted it for the wrong reasons or mis-stated what I intended. Basically, and this is from the heart, I don't want to want to lose control of my life AND I don't want to quit living my life until it's over. I expressed a desire to continue to enjoy life. Honestly, I doubt that will be the case. The cancer is closer to gaining control of this situation than I am of gaining control of the cancer. I hate that. It pisses me off a great deal. It's one thing to die but quite another to be faced with losing interest in everything and everybody, one thing and one person at a time. Unless I'm very lucky that's exactly what is going to happen. I want to be in control. I want to dictate my life until it's over. It ain't gonna happen guys and I better get on the right track about this. Intellectually I realize that there is a time, and it's coming sooner rather than later, that I'll just need to succumb to the inevitable and let this process do its thing. If it means that I lose interest in music and begin to cling to what is closest to me (Barb), then I just need to let it happen. Accept.

One of our audio club members is a radiation doc at this clinic. My oncologist said that if I'm fortunate what is bothering my stomach might be a candidate for his services. Otherwise, I'm not sure what my other options are at this point. The possibility exists that there are no more options. I dunno. Apparently, I'm just along for the ride.

I had planned on having a club meeting at my place on July 11th. Barb wants me to carry on with that plan and since it seems to be important to her I probably will. I had already gotten a committment from a jazz quartet to play for an hour or so. These guys are good, very good. I've got so many drugs around here that I can somehow make myself feel pretty good. The preparations might be difficult but I know that between her and our daughter that we can pull it off. Normally the club doesn't meet during the summer months because of vacations and other activities that interfere. A smaller than normal turnout would be fine but the prospect of live music might bring out a large group. Either way will be just fine.

I know I needn't apologize for writing what I have. Still, I do wish that I could make you guys feel real good about all of this. I'm not feeling good about it at all and I know it will hit some of you hard. The thing is I promised to be honest. Anything less would not be Lugnut. I need to work through this. Feel free to offer advice or criticism, whatever. Keep me and my little family in your prayers as Paul has so thoughtfully done. God bless you all.

Pat

Pat,
Just to hear your 'voice' here is always good.

We're always thinking of you, in case that isn't obvious.

Howard

Our thoughts and prayers are most definitely with you!

Nothing to say, just want you to know I am here.

Jeff